Ilsa
by Yeghishe
Summary: Alternate Universe. Drabble Fiction. Marriage Law. Young Muggle runaways snatched by the Ministry of Magic for use in rehabilitating Pureblood Supremacists—that would never work, right? Warning: sprinkled liberally with foul language, drug references, and quotes from The Buddha.
1. Act I

**Ilsa: A Tiny Tale in Forty Acts**

**June, 1999**

* * *

**Act I**

* * *

**1. Introduction**

* * *

My introduction to my husband was, arguably, not under the best of circumstances. I was filthy and depressed, chained up with some sort of 'magical' bindings, terrified and shattered. We hadn't eaten in days and I hadn't slept since our capture. My companions were on the verge of hysteria.

I was attempting, without success, to stay optimistic. _The mind is everything. What you think you become. The Buddha._

And just how a runaway American hiding out without a visa in the slums of London became embroiled in the Ministry of Magic's scandal of the decade—well… that's the whole point.

* * *

**2. Dreamer**

* * *

None of us had seen it coming. Jules, Ami, Renee & their pet American runaway, Ilsa. We were squatting, of course, in derelict apartments scheduled to be demolished in the autumn, windows popped out and rooms already stripped of plumbing and electrical. But it was June and we had time.

I had picked out a train route to the North York Moors. I had a camp stove, a rather nice used sleeping bag, and the money for some food. I was fleeing the London summer with my filched sketchbooks and stubby pencils.

Ilsa the dreamer; Ilsa the artist; Ilsa the naïve.

* * *

**3. Memories**

* * *

The night it happened, and of course it happened faster than you could blink, I thought someone had cut the weed we had smoked with something psychedelic. Of course, you don't think you'll get jumped by people who can just appear and disappear with a pop. That's just not possible.

They came into the flat in spurts of two or three, brandishing little sticks that shot sparks, dressed in uniforms I didn't recognize.

Renee fell ass over elbow trying to make it to the window. Where she thought she was going from this third floor hellhole I've no fucking idea.

* * *

**4. Exhaustion**

* * *

The room we were brought into after our three-day-long incarceration was rather emaciated looking men sat at a center table: two were matching platinum blonds, one older and one younger, and one was a dark youth. The fourth was pale man with a rather impressive nose and fierce scowl who sat slouched broodingly.

Ami was spitting tacks until they waved their little sticks and she couldn't talk.

Jules took a different tone, "Got any smokes in here?" The young blond shook his head mournfully.

I felt physically ill, sure that my deportation was the inevitable end of this meeting.

* * *

**5. Pretense**

* * *

A large man with greying hair stood up at the other end of the room. "So, you must be wondering why you're here."

Ami was struggling silently. Renee looked like she was going to faint.

"No shite," Jules hissed through clenched teeth.

He looked altogether too pleased with himself. "I am Hubert Cumberpatch, Minister for the Rehabilitation of Pureblood Supremacists through Marital Muggle Connections."

God, pretentious much?

"What the fuck is a Muggle?" Jules was getting red in the face.

Cunningham coughed delicately. "Why you, my dear, are a Muggle."

Renee really did faint dead away then. We. Were. Fucked.

* * *

_This story is an Alternate Universe Tale and disregards much of the last three books, especially Book Seven. You've been warned._

_This story is also a drabble fic. This means that the chapters are short (five 100-words-segments-each short). I realize that some people don't like drabble length stories & I get that: if you don't like that format that's alright. However, I'm not going to respond to comments/critiques about the length. _

_Prompts, with some major alterations, from 'Scribbling on the Computer' a wordpress blog. Heading: 100 Themes Challenge Writing Prompts. I selected the "Original List"._

_I have always wanted to write a Marriage Law fic. They range from darkly-amusing to cringe-worthy-angst to heart-rending-woe and back again. This is my, admittedly, rather lighthearted & foul-mouthed take on the subject._

* * *

_A debt to my stalwart beta renaid, for editing this foolishness en mass and answering my awkward, flustered emails so graciously. Not to mention Hubert Cumberpatch's name is all her creation. I am so in debt. _


	2. Act II

**Act II**

* * *

**6. Revelations**

* * *

"Oh, for fucks sake," the pale man hissed and shifted in his seat so he was angled away from us. I realized that the four at the table were also bound. "Just tell them already."

"_Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace. The Buddha,_" I said reflexively.

"Brilliant. An ascetic. American, too, with that accent." The young blond rolled his eyes.

Cumberpatch clapped happily. "You're all here to get married."

Jules started swearing, Renee stayed lying on the floor, and Ami was trying so hard to yell I was sure she was going hurt herself.

* * *

**7. Enthusiasm**

* * *

"But why marriage?" I gasped.

Cumberpatch gave a little twist and shimmy. "It's the la-aa-aw," he sang out. "The Muggle Marriage Law. These men are war criminals and you lovely non-magical, or Muggle, ladies will be pivotal in their rehabilitation."

Criminals? Rehabilitation?

We were double fucked.

The pale one lifted both hands, they were bound together, in order to rub the bridge of his nose.

"Having to keep such close company with Muggles will help cure them of racism."

"But _marriage_?"

"No closer bond between two humans exists. We did _research_."

"Oh, God." Jules whispered.

They were really fucking serious.

* * *

**8. Answers**

* * *

Cumberpatch unrolled a manuscript and stared down at it. "You eight are the first trial run for the law: Azkaban prisoners 90870, 99909, 96498, and 91439 and Muggle runaways Julia Hill, Renee Thomas, Amiline Allen, and Ilsa Nash." Cumberpatch rubbed his hands together. He was really freaking me out. "They have no rights and you have no one looking for you." Yes, he was fucking evil. "Its perfect! Now," he pulled a quill out of thin air and looked from his scroll to the men at the table, "Who wants who?" He was eyeing us like cuts of meat.

* * *

**9. History**

* * *

"I want the smoker," the young blond spoke up. It was guaranteed that Jules was going to gouge his eyes out with the force of her glare.

The older one who had to be his father looked us over thoughtfully. "I'll take the one on the floor." Under his breath he added, "Biddable."

The dark one nodded towards Ami, who had subsided— finally.

"We are making history!" Cumberpatch crowed. I was certain he was certifiably bat-shit crazy.

I met the gaze of the pale man and was surprised to see sadness and pity on his face.

"Any solace to offer from the Buddha?" he asked gently.

* * *

**10. Friendship**

* * *

The girls and I embraced as if it was the last time we would ever meet. Who knew? Maybe it was.

"_No one saves us but our selves. No one can and no one may. We must walk our own path. The Buddha._" As usual, the saying just bubbled up, spilling over my lips.

"I'll miss you bitches." Tough Jules was actually close to tears.

Ami just nodded, still unable to make noise.

Renee leant heavily on my shoulder, looking pale and worn.

"Alright, Ilsa first." Cumberpatch was way to fucking excited about this.

"Love you guys," I whispered.

* * *

_A debt to my loyal beta renaid, for editing this mess and giving me a large portion of her Saturday._


	3. Act III

**Act III**

* * *

**11. Future**

* * *

Our wedding was nothing more than us writing our signatures on the bottom of a thick piece of parchment covered in tiny writing.

Cumberpatch made him sign first and then shoved the paper at me.

Written neatly, in spiky handwriting, was the name 'Severus Tobias Snape'.

Severus Snape. Such alliteration.

Accepting the quill from him, our fingers brushing before he jerked back, I scrawled below his: 'Ilsa Kay Nash'.

Being unfamiliar with using a quill, I spattered several drops over the sheet. Cumberpatch acted pissy, like I'd done it on purpose, but a wave of his wand vanished the puddles.

* * *

**12. Dark**

* * *

"Well, that's all right then." Cumberpatch vanished the parchment with a tap of his wand and a smile. "When you're ready, the vase will let you out."

I stared between him and the nondescript vase he pointed too, my mouth slightly agape.

"Don't forget about the proximity meter. Oh, one more thing, Mr. Snape: Your wand." He presented a dark stick to my companion who snatched it from Cumberpatch's meaty fingers.

The way Severus cradled it I might have thought he was a junky and it was the last bag of heroin in the whole of the British Isles.

* * *

**13. Start**

* * *

"I feel like I just got trafficked," I muttered as we watched Cumberpatch barrel out of the door, the lock clicking behind him.

"You did."

I chanced a glance at him. He was so tall. His dark hair looked like it had been growing out from a close shave, all one length and wild over his head. His eyes were also large and dark in his pale, slightly creased face, a fact I could see clearly since we were now both openly ogling each other.

"So this is how it begins."

"Unfortunately."

I sighed. "Fuck."

"Precisely." He was still staring.

* * *

**14. Illogical**

* * *

He shouldn't have been able to make me feel awkward—I mean, I know how I look, and staring has never bothered me before. Something about his gaze made me fidget. My hair color was fading slightly, brilliant orange and hot pink giving way to a dull blond. The tip of my tongue fiddled with the two silver rings side-by-side in my lower lip. They matched the ones that lined both of my ears.

"What?" I finally asked.

He shook his head, running his hand through his dark hair, making it stand on end. "You're just so—so…"

"Weird?"

"Young."

* * *

**15. Exploration **

* * *

We found ourselves standing in a dingy alleyway somewhere in the East End.

"What the hell was that?" I panted.

"Portkey."

I waited.

He sighed, "A portkey is an enchanted object that brings anyone who touches it to a specific location." He made a sweeping motion to the putrid garbage cans surrounding us.

"Fuckers couldn't drop us somewhere civilized?" I grumbled, taking a few steps toward the entrance to the passage. When I passed the five-foot mark a sharp pain brought me to my knees.

Severus took two steps forward and the agony eased. His eyes were wide and haunted.

* * *

_A debt to my exceptional beta renaid, for editing this strange thing I call a story and checks her email more often then I deserve._


	4. Act IV

**Act IV**

* * *

**16. Unbreakable**

* * *

"I'm sorry. You're attached to me. It's a—a spell. We can't be further than this from each other." He reached out but stopped short of actually touching me.

"Did you feel that? It hurt like a bitch."

He shook his head and looked away. "No. It—uhm—only affects the Muggle."

I swore colorfully and got to my feet on shaky legs.

"So you can't get rid of me." I leaned against the brick wall. "What are we going to do?"

"I could kill myself." His tone was completely flat and hollow. He actually meant it.

"What? Fuck, no."

* * *

**17. Roads**

* * *

"Look, I'm not that bad am I?" My attempt at a joke fell flatter than the crepes the grandmothers sold from their cook stands near Big Ben. When he wouldn't meet my eyes, I blew out an exasperated breath. "This is a crossroads. We can try and make the best of it or be miserable."

He glanced at me from under dark lashes.

"Suicide isn't on the table."

"Give it a day; you might change your mind."

"_There are only two mistakes we can make along the road to truth: not going all the way and not starting. The Buddha._"

* * *

**18. Shadows**

* * *

Severus followed me like a dark shadow. He was silent and undemanding, capitulating without murmur to my request to hoof it down to the old squat to see if anything was left. Thankfully, nothing had been touched and I had never been so happy to see my pitiful collection of pencils in my life.

I got the feeling he didn't like me much, but his eyes were as empty as my stomach.

"Lunch? I haven't eaten in days."

He regarded me with narrowed eyes. "They didn't feed you?"

"I wouldn't eat anything from those fuckers' hands." I shouldered the rucksack.

* * *

**19. Summer**

* * *

We sat on the steps of the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. I did my best thinking here and Severus didn't seem to have any opinions about much of anything yet.

"I still want to get out of London," I said finally, wiping my mouth and taking a long drink of water.

He only raised an eyebrow at me.

"I was planning going out to the moors for the summer when we were taken. Obviously, I can't go now without you."

"You have a house?"

I laughed and leaned back on the steps. "No. I'm homeless."

He sighed, "Me, too."

* * *

**20. Boundaries**

* * *

"Anything I should know about this law? Like, just how married are we?"

He looked like he was literally going to retch on the steps.

"Fuck, are you ok? I told you not to eat that sandwich so fast."

He just glared at me. "I promise I won't touch—er—harm you in anyway."

I shrugged. "Ok. I won't touch you either."

He gave me a quelling look that clearly said '_you are an absolute idiot'_. "You just have to stay within a meter and a half of me while I am supposed to learn about Muggle life from you."

* * *

_A debt to my remarkable beta renaid, for refining this absurdity and, although initially skeptical, giving the character of Ilsa a chance. _


	5. Act V

**Act V**

* * *

**21. Birth**

* * *

I stared at him. "What don't you know about Muggles?"

"I spent my early childhood pretending to be a Muggle," he snarled and threw up his hands. "I don't think that much has changed in the last thirty years."

Just how old was he? I gazed at the fountain. "So this is kind of like… parole?" Struck by a sudden thought, I giggled. "Community service?" The mental picture of him sweeping the streets made me grin.

He surprised me with a thoughtful answer. "Yes. Actually, that is a fair way to put it, and I'm not allowed to kill you."

* * *

**22. Challenge**

* * *

I laughed again. This was so fucking surreal. "I'm glad. That _would_ put a damper on our relationship."

"You seem rather too calm about this," he said venomously.

The fact that he didn't get my movie reference made me smile. Muggle expert, huh?

"_Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace. The Buddha._" I ran my tongue over my lip rings. "Its pretty obvious that you aren't enjoying yourself, no sense being mad at _you_. Maybe we could try being friends, at least?"

His eyes closed like he was in pain.

"Or not. It was just a thought."

* * *

**23. Advantage**

* * *

"Which moors?" he finally asked as we entered the Kings Cross Station. "Surely you had a specific place in mind." God he was snarky.

"North York Moors National Park, we'll take the train up to Scarborough and then decide where to go from there. Robin Hood's Bay? That sounds nice." Gloomily, I dug for my money; buying two tickets would put an enormous dent in my savings. "It looks like we have a changeover in York but I—hey!"

Severus was already stalking off towards the platforms. "We don't need tickets."

"What?"

He shot me a miniscule half smile. "Magic."

* * *

**24. Complicated**

* * *

We walked side-by-side down the platform. He was carrying my rucksack, which seemed rather gentlemanly, and giving everyone else the evil eye.

"So why did they make this law?" I asked in an undertone.

"It's—complicated."

I bounced on my toes. "I love stories."

He shot me his _you're an idiot_ look.

"_Do not dwell on the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. The Buddha."_ I said with over-dramatic superiority and a smile. "Look, we haven't got much of a choice. Lets make the best of it. Right, husband?"

He just huffed.

* * *

**25. Getaway**

* * *

I stretched out on the train seat. "At least they gave you your—you know what back."

Snape rolled his eyes at me.

"Tell me you've never wanted to see the moors."

He arched one brow and said in a flat voice, "I have never wanted to see the moors."

"Insufferable." But I was smiling and he didn't look pissed. "Look, give me at least two weeks; if you hate it, I promise we can go wherever you want." He turned his head to the train window. "I noticed that you didn't actually agree."

The corners of his eyes crinkled.

* * *

_A obligation to my preeminent beta renaid, for laughing at my memes and appreciating a well placed comma._


	6. Act VI

**Act VI**

* * *

**26. Running**

* * *

"So—American?"

We tramped through the little village toward the wide planes.

"Yup." I popped the 'P'.

He was silent for a long moment. "Why England?"

"I came, liked it pretty well, fell in with Jules and the girls and decided not to leave."

"Just like that?"

I laughed, "Ok. Maybe I'm a runaway. Bad family shit. I'll tell you about it sometime."

"But not today?"

"Not today. Currently I want fish and chips and a pint of bitter. What do you want today?"

He blinked and shifted the rucksack. "I—I'm not sure."

"Let me know when you know."

* * *

**27. Troubled**

* * *

I selected our campsite while Snape watched inscrutably, arms folded.

"I've only got the one sleeping bag. I don't mind sharing, but if you want to—" I made the motion of waving a wand around.

"Aren't you the least bit frightened?"

I blinked at him. "Of you?"

"Of _this_. Kidnapped, forcibly married to a stranger, a mile from the village, with someone who wields _magic_."

"_The whole secret of existence is to have no fear. Never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. Only the moment you reject all help are you freed. The Buddha."_

* * *

**28. Acceptance**

* * *

"You seem decent, in any event."

"You seem absolutely daft."

I didn't think he was trying to be funny, but his exasperation struck me as amusing. I covered my giggle with a cough, pushing my bangs back and flicking my tongue over my lip rings. "Pub?"

He glanced at the sky. "Do you think you can find your way back here with a few pints in you?"

"'Course."

He did withdraw his wand then and set about making complex motions while pacing the perimeter of the camp.

At my quizzical look he simply said, "Warding."

"You really are bloody useful."

* * *

**29. Apology**

* * *

"I owe you an apology," he said stiffly.

My brow furrowed. "For?"

"I am not the easiest person to get along with."

I shrugged, "And I'm a foul mouthed runaway. Can I have your chips if you're done?"

He pushed the half eaten basket of fries toward me. "No pithy saying from the Buddha for me tonight?"

"Nope, they just sort of well up. I know it's annoying. Sorry."

He gave me a strange look and raked his hand through his hair. "How _old _are you?"

"Nineteen. You?" I stuffed the potato pieces in my mouth.

His lips twisted, "Thirty-nine."

* * *

**30. Opportunities**

* * *

We were on our third pint and Severus obviously had hidden reserves because he had pulled out an impressive roll of pound notes.

"You wanna know the biggest reason I came to England?" I was feeling _really, really _good.

He nodded. I think he was feeling pretty good too.

"I wanna go to art school. I've got dreams you know. I wanna illustrate children's books." I fished a pencil out of my cardigan pocket. "I'll show you." I sketched out a picture of us sitting at the bar on a napkin and began carefully shading it, forgetting my partner completely.

* * *

_A bow to my more than adequate beta renaid, for asking questions & being on Severus Snape's side.  
_


	7. Act VII

**Act VII**

* * *

**31. Irregular**

* * *

On our walk into the village we had walked as far apart as possible without triggering the pain spell. On our walk back we leaned on each other, weaving a bit.

"How much did we drink?" I giggled.

"Not sure, but its been a long time since I had a proper drink."

His arm was thrown over my shoulder. His cheek brushed my head every so often and I felt a bit self-conscious since I hadn't had a proper wash in a while.

"Sorry I'm dirty." I murmured.

"I've got a spell for that." He promptly pulled out his wand.

* * *

**32. Midnight**

* * *

It was past midnight when we stumbled into our camp. Severus had cast a dizzying variety of refreshing and cleaning spells over both of us. He had misjudged the mouthwash one and we had looked like rabid foxes for a few moments while he emptied his mouth out enough to clearly enunciate the counter spell. Exhausted and more than a little drunk, we collapsed in a heap on the sleeping bag. He fell asleep almost at once and left me attempting to shove him over in a wild bid to get some of the blanket. But he was quite warm.

* * *

**33. Breakfast**

* * *

I had the coffee going before he woke up. He lay sprawled across the bedroll, wand in his fist, face strangely slack in sleep. He stirred, rolling on his back and blinking at the sky.

"Good morning, Severus." I said softly, realizing that we had never actually called each other by name. "Coffee?"

He nodded and climbing to his feet; he headed over the hill to our makeshift lavatory that was just inside our spelled perimeter.

When he came stomping back, he was all scowls and glares, accepting the coffee cup with a grunt. Right, not a morning person then.

* * *

**34. Book**

* * *

We sat on the bluff overlooking the tiny town. I sketched and Severus scowled.

"There's not a scrap of evidence to suggest that the Robin Hood of Sherwood Forest folklore ever visited this bay," he finally snarled.

I nodded. "But the name Robin Hood also refers to an ancient forest spirit similar to Robin Goodfellow. Folk tales often have crossover."

"In the eighteenth century it was reportedly the busiest smuggling community on the Yorkshire coast," he continued in a softer tone after a moment.

"Really?" I glanced at him. He was watching me steadily. I surprised myself by blushing hotly.

* * *

**35. Separation**

* * *

Severus was bored. Unable to go more than a stone's throw away from me, he lay sprawled out at my feet while I drew. He reminded me of a rather surly but loyal dog.

"We need to get you a book or something. I think the nearest library is in Whitby, though."

"I haven't got a card, anyway."

"Hey," I nudged him gently with my foot until he cracked an eye, "What happened to _magic_?" I wiggled my fingers at him. "'Sides, I usually just steal them for a week or so, then bring them back. Completely unharmed, of course."

* * *

_A smile to my extravagant beta renaid, for brainstorming endings & letting me talk about my characters like they are real people... because, well, they are.  
_


	8. Act VIII

**Act VIII**

* * *

**36. Failure**

* * *

"You look like you haven't had a good meal in a year." I was watching him inhale his sandwich.

"Criminal, remember?" He pointed at his chest, taking another huge bite.

Oh yeah. Fuck. That had somehow completely slipped my mind.

"Prison?"

He nodded; food always seem to loosen his tongue. "The worst. You know, for people like _me_." He glanced around the grassy hill as if an angry horde of Muggles were just waiting to jump out and have a witch burning.

"What did you do?"

His face darkened and he turned his back on me. Well shit, I sighed.

* * *

**37. Umbrella**

* * *

"How much longer are we going to keep up the farce of camping?" He was growling again.

I just looked at him confusedly. "What?"

"I'm nearly forty years old; I can't sleep on the ground for two weeks straight. Besides, I think it's going to rain and we don't even have a bloody umbrella." He squinted angrily at the sky.

I started packing up the sleeping bag.

"What are you doing?"

"You're right; this was kind of selfish. I think there are a bunch of bed and breakfasts in town."

He blinked at me. "Are you angry?"

"No, you're right."

* * *

**38. Accuracy  
**

* * *

"It's cheaper to get a single bed," I hissed.

Severus set his jaw. "It's inappropriate."

"We've been sharing a sleeping bag for three fucking days. Plus," I leaned forward, meeting his furious gaze, "We. Are. Married."

"In name only."

I turned to the lady standing in the door with a smile plastered on my face. "Men, they can be so silly. Of course we will take a single bed."

She stared between us as Severus fumed and I simpered.

"Of course. I'll show you up."

I followed gloomily, already regretful. Severus was going to have a massive sulk tonight.

* * *

**39. Wrong**

* * *

"I hope you're pleased."

I flopped across the bed with a deep sigh. "Would it help if I wasn't?"

"She thinks I'm some sort of perverted old man, dragging a child into a backwater bed and breakfast to do Merlin only knows what." He dragged both hands through his hair. "She's right." He sounded shocked by his own conclusion.

"_Virtue is persecuted more by the wicked than it is loved by the good. The Buddha._"

He pointed a slender finger at my face. "That's not even bloody applicable to the situation, Ilsa."

I shrugged. "I'll sleep on the floor."

* * *

**40. Patience**

* * *

In the end, Severus capitulated and paused his sulk in order to have dinner at the pub. It did rain heavily after all, and I apologized over our pints. Unsurprisingly, the steak seemed to do more good for Severus's mood than my confession. But he was calling me by my name and paid for _my_ steak, so I knew I was forgiven.

He wouldn't let me sleep on the floor, however, and was going to do it himself until I reminded him that it was for the benefit of his forty-year-old ass that we were here in the first place.

* * *

_A salute to my dangerous beta renaid, who wields punctuation with deadly skill.  
_


	9. Act IX

**Act IX**

* * *

**41. Excuses  
**

* * *

"The bed is bigger than the sleeping bag, anyway."

He was perched on the edge of the mattress eyeing me warily, as though he expected me to attempt to pin him down and take his honor by force.

"Severus, I'm tired. Lay the fuck down."

He scowled.

"I wanna take the early bus to Whitby tomorrow. I promise I won't suddenly start biting, now that we have a mattress." I yawned. "By the way, can you do that charm? The one that makes things feel squishy? There's a spring digging into my back."

He lay down and the bed softened.

* * *

**42. ****Travel**  


* * *

We were rumbling over the A171 in an ancient bus that had seen better days. I had Severus pressed up against the window and was plying him with a big bag of his new favorite crisps.

"So why _did_ you agree to come up to Yorkshire with me?"

"I don't have anything better to do. My house was burned down after the war and I've never had many friends." He ate each chip one by one, chewing and swallowing fully before putting the next one in his mouth.

It was fascinating. He was entirely enthralling in a decidedly dangerous way.

* * *

**43. Love  
**

* * *

He fucking loved books. That much was obvious by the way he was stroking the bindings and sniffing the pages when he thought I wasn't looking.

"Can you imagine the kind of knowledge these books contain?" His voice was heavy with awe.

"_However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? The Buddha._" I clapped my palm over my lips, mortified. "Fuck. Sorry."

He laughed, a real laugh. His whole face changed, and he looked decades younger, his eyes crinkling and lighting up like megawatt bulbs.

* * *

**44. Judgment**

* * *

"So can wizards go into churches?" We stood at the edge of Saint Mary's parish yard looking up at the impressive tower.

"I won't burst into flames, if that's what you mean." He shot me the _idiot_ look and clutched his books to his chest. While I'm sure he wanted every book in the shop, he managed to only buy three.

"I was just asking." I rolled my eyes. "I want to go in, then we can have lunch."

"Your concepts of Wizarding kind are positively medieval," he hissed.

I looped our arms together with a smile. "So? Teach me."

* * *

**45. **** Seeing **

* * *

Severus slouched in the café booth, ignoring me in favor of his book. I enjoyed a chance to study him. He wasn't looking as pale and emaciated as he had two weeks ago. I fancied he might even be enjoying himself a very tiny bit. The permanent glower had eased and I didn't seem to be annoying him _quite_ as much.

"Yes?" His deep voice startled me, but he didn't look up.

I twirled my soda straw. "You look good."

His eyes jerked up, mouth slackening in shock. "What?"

"You aren't as sickly looking as you were when we met."

* * *

_A dance to my wild beta renaid, who allows me my dignity in the midst of crazy projects.  
_


	10. Act X

**Act X**

* * *

**46. Slow**

* * *

I dragged him, sputtering and growling, into the antiques shop. The grandfatherly fellow behind the counter smiled widely at us.

"We need rings."

"We most certainly do _not._"

I ignored him, something I was getting fairly good at.

"Hey," I said, sidling up to the glass case. "We just got married; it was kind of unexpected, and we didn't have a chance to get rings."

He glanced at Severus, a twinkle in his eye. "You married that fellow?"

"Never mind him; his face always looks like that."

The old man just laughed, ignoring Severus's indignant squawk.

"I've just the thing."

* * *

**47. Perfection**

* * *

They were perfect: matching Celtic Knot rings in lustrous silver. "They're beautiful," I breathed, reaching for the smaller one.

"Don't touch it," Severus shrieked, grabbing my hand in a painful grip. "What the fuck are you playing at?" he snarled in the dealer's face.

I stared at them both. The old man drew a wand and quicker than I could blink, Severus had his out.

"They just have standard enchantments: charms against getting scratched or lost." He tapped the pillow and a rainbow of color bloomed.

I noticed how Severus had inserted himself protectively between the other wizard and me.

* * *

**48. For You**

* * *

I tugged gently against his grip. "Severus, can we get them or not?" I asked, interrupting their staring contest.

He adjusted his grip, threading our fingers together, but didn't let go. He waved his own wand a few times, menacingly, before subsiding and digging in his pocket for his money. I felt bad that he was paying for them; this had been my idea, after all.

Grabbing the rings from their velvet-resting place, he dragged me toward the exit.

Glancing back, I caught a wink and a wave from the old wizard. Cheeky bastard. I waved back with a smile.

* * *

**49. Possession**

* * *

He was staring down at the ring on his left hand with a look somewhere between revulsion and awe.

"You don't have to wear it. I just always wanted one when I got married." I looked down at my own. "It's a Muggle thing, I think."

"We aren't really married."

I laughed at his mournful tone. "Tell that to your friends at the Ministry. Besides, you not being able to get further than five feet from me kind of precludes me getting a boyfriend."

"Did you want one?"

"A boyfriend? No. You're ten times better, anyway."

This time he blushed.

* * *

**50. Time**

* * *

"They are coming to check on us at the end of the month."

I looked up from my sketchbook to find Severus staring at me over the top of his tome, eyes dark.

"Hmm? Oh. Sometimes I forget about the law," I mused.

A muscle in his jaw twitched. "You _forget_?"

"I'm happy here with you. _There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path. The Buddha._"

His knuckles were white where they clutched the book; his eyes like twin storms. "You are unbelievable, sometimes."

"I'm sorry," I said reflexively, unsure how I had pissed him off this time.

* * *

_A song for the unspeakable beta renaid, who thinks that Severus could do worse than Ilsa._


	11. Act XI

**Act XI**

* * *

**51. Enjoy**

* * *

Severus's sulk lasted until dinner when I ordered a bottle of red wine instead of our usual pints, and he brightened considerably.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I know you aren't enjoying being with me."

"Whereas you are _enjoying_ it entirely too much. It's indecent," he muttered around his shepherd's pie.

"I can get a little intense," I hedged. "_Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence. The Buddha._"

"Intense is putting it lightly. Chaos is certainly a more apt moniker."

I fiddled with my lip rings and took large drinks of wine. "This _is_ permanent, isn't it?"

* * *

**52. Along**

* * *

He shrugged, running slender hands through wild, dark hair. "I am unsure. I suppose I am hoping they will come to their senses before too long." His tone made it clear that he didn't have much hope.

"I guess we _are_ the trial run. Should we start fighting constantly in order to show them it doesn't work?"

"We _do_ fight constantly."

"No, you sulk and let me do whatever I want."

"Fuck you," he snapped.

I laughed and, to my surprise, he snickered into his wine glass.

"Forgiven?"

"I do _not_ sulk."

I rolled my eyes. "Of course not, dear."

* * *

**53. Found**

* * *

"How will the ministry find us?"

"Wand trace." He patted his wrist where it was concealed. "They know I won't let it off my person."

I nodded; that made a little too much sense.

"How strong are you?"

He choked on a gulp of wine. "Physically?"

"No, magically."

He cocked his head. "I'm actually not sure. I've been rather sick and without a wand for a while."

"But before?"

He flushed and answered stiffly, "I was quite powerful."

"You haven't tested your limits?" Wouldn't that have been the first thing he did when he got his wand back?

* * *

**54. Fear**

* * *

Suddenly the tabletop was positively fascinating.

"We can't even take a piss without the other person leaning against the loo door. I can't get far enough away from you to practice."

That hurt unexpectedly. "What?"

He twisted the stem of the wine glass between his slender fingers.

"I don't want to frighten you."

He _could_ be sweet.

"Tomorrow we'll find a good spot and you can test yourself. I promise I won't flip my shit."

He wouldn't meet my eyes, but some of the tension went out of his shoulders.

"You know its ok for you to ask for things, right?"

* * *

**55. Guard**

* * *

He wouldn't meet my eyes so I poured more wine and played with my lip rings. There were some punks at the bar eyeing me. I was suddenly very glad Severus was with me. I was a free spirit, but there were times when being alone was seriously dangerous.

Severus twisted in his chair to see what I was staring at and shot them the deadliest glare I had ever seen. Damn, he could be fucking scary.

He also looked rather exotic in his black suit with all those tiny buttons. He had been wearing the same thing since London.

* * *

_A bottle of wine for my slaving beta renaid, who sends most chapters back within the day, often within the hour._


	12. Act XII

**Act XII**

* * *

**56. Education**

* * *

Thinking of London made me think of Jules, Renee, and Ami. "How do you think the girls are getting on?"

He glanced sideways at me. "I'm not sure. The Malfoys should be on their best behavior. Zabini was stuck up, surely, but never particularly cruel at school, as I recall."

"Malfoys?"

"Platinum blonde hair, identical supercilious looks—you couldn't possibly have missed them."

I giggled, "They were rather disdainful. How do you know about Zabini at school?"

"I was a school teacher."

"You're having me on," I gaped.

"Unfortunately, no."

Now _that_ was an interesting and rather scary mental picture.

* * *

**57. Science**

* * *

"What did you teach? Sneering one-oh-one?" I couldn't contain my giggles, and the wine was _not_ helping at all.

He rolled his shoulders and shot me the '_you're an imbecile' _look_. _"Potions, actually."

I turned that over for a minute. "Like—alchemy?"

He nodded and gave me a little half smile. "Although, students _did_ learn how to make interesting facial expressions in my class: horror, confusion, barely concealed terror." His smile was positively carnivorous.

"You don't seem like the kid-loving type."

"I hate the little fuckers." And he was dead serious.

I really did laugh then. "I bet you do."

* * *

**58. Gamble**

* * *

I was willing to bet that I was the sort of person that really got up Severus's nose: young, outrageously easy-going, emotionally intense, sometimes childish, wild looking, uninhibited acting, and notoriously undisciplined in everything but drawing.

No wonder he seemed to vacillate between trying to make me sorry I had ever been born and being cautiously amused.

There was so much we didn't know about each other and I was willing to bet that Severus hoped to keep it that way. To bad I was interested in making this strange relationship more enduring. I hoped I would grow on him.

* * *

**59. Warrior**

* * *

I pretended to be fascinated by the book I held in front of my nose, but I was staring at Severus. He had taken off his jacket and stood in his boots and pants, his thin shirt stretched across surprisingly broad shoulders. In spite of how thin he was, he was well built.

He went fluidly through a series of motions and cycled through some different stances.

Fuck, he was rather magnificent.

"Are you—slavering?" The snark was back full force. He was _smirking_ at me, panting slightly and delightfully sweaty.

"Yes."

Annnnd—yes, he fucking blushed. Were we flirting?

* * *

**60. Revelation**

* * *

He lay next to me on the sand, still sans jacket, sleepy-eyed.

I tried to stare at the waves and not his relaxed face—it wasn't working. "How was your practice?"

"I'm a bit weak but feeling stronger all the time." It was probably all the food he ate. I swear he had a hollow limb.

"_Three things cannot hide for long: the Moon, the Sun and the Truth. The Buddha._"

I passed him the water bottle and brushed his bangs back. He gave me a drowsy smile.

The truth was I think I was falling in love.

* * *

_A gamble for the best beta, renaid, who can't blame Ilsa for falling in love... but worries about the past coming back to haunt them.  
_


	13. Act XIII

**Act XIII**

* * *

**61. Quiet**

* * *

I was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, turning these new feelings over and over in my head, attempting to observe them from every possible angle and worrying at them like a sore tooth. When had he stopped being the taciturn, surly and obviously dangerous man that I had been forced to marry at wand point and become someone that I admired and had decidedly warm feelings for?

I was certain that it had been happening ever so slowly, since he had offered to off himself for my benefit. Now if that wasn't the most fucking unromantic thing ever.

* * *

**62. Worthwhile**

* * *

He was obviously someone worth loving. Besides his wretched guilt about the whole situation, which manifested itself by his absolute capitulation to all of my requests, he was _trying_ to be decent to me. I got the feeling that Severus Snape didn't _do_ apologies, relationships, or, for that matter, people in general. I was sure he could be an absolute dick without much effort.

When he was able to forget that we were forced to be with each other and that he might or might not like me, he actually seemed to enjoy himself.

Food helped. Severus definitely loved food.

* * *

**63. Coping**

* * *

"You've been quiet." Severus had eaten his dinner and started on mine, since I didn't have much appetite. "Something the matter?"

"No." I wasn't sure though; was something wrong?

He arched one eyebrow disbelievingly, my mashed potatoes disappearing at an alarming speed.

"I need a smoke," I finally sighed. "Will you walk down to the tobacco shop with me?" What I really wanted was cannabis, but I would take what I could get.

He drained his pint and favored me with a frown. "That's not good for you."

I grinned at him. "I know. It's a sometimes indulgence."

"Very well."

* * *

**64. Sensual**

* * *

I struck a match for myself, taking a deep drag. He surprised me by taking a cigarette from the cardboard package and placing it in his mouth. I struck a match for him. He leaned forward, the cigarette cradled between two slender fingers. Watching him take a deep breath and then exhale a plume of smoke from between thin lips struck me as incredibly sensual.

We walked side by side by the water, silent and thoughtful.

I reached out and took his hand, threading our fingers together and feeling the warm metal of his wedding band. He didn't pull away.

* * *

**65. Progress**

* * *

I woke up warm and enveloped in Severus's arms. He had one arm behind his head and the other was wrapped tightly around my middle, holding me against him. I could feel his warmth from where my cheek was tucked against the hollow of his throat all the way to where my toes were tucked in between his legs.

He usually spent the night stiff as a board on the edge the bed.

Shit. He was going to kill me. I tried to slowly extricate myself, but he tightened his hold on me and cracked one eye.

"Lie still."

* * *

_A cigarette for my extraordinary beta, renaid, who loved many moments in this chapter._


	14. Act XIV

**Act XIV**

* * *

**66. Bother**

* * *

"It's early yet. Go back to sleep," he growled, closing his eye.

I subsided at once and dutifully closed my eyes for about five seconds before they popped right back open. This was Severus, right? My Severus? Severus who wouldn't get within two feet of me for the first days of our acquaintance?

"I can feel you looking at me. Am I _bothering_ you?" Even half a sleep he was a bit of an ass.

Opting not to answer, I closed my eyes and nestled into him. Apparently this was _his_ idea, and I was completely on board with cuddling.

* * *

**67. Awkward**

* * *

When I woke again I was wrapped in a blanket and hovering above the bathtub. Severus was sitting on the commode, reading the newspaper. At my gasp the shower curtain closed with a snap.

"Severus?"

"I had to use the loo and you were sleeping." His voice took on a decidedly whiny tone.

"I'm floating…"

"Well, I wasn't going to prop you up against the door," he snapped.

I closed my eyes tightly and pulled the blanket up to my nose, flicking my tongue over my lip rings. Would I ever get used to magic being bandied about like this?

* * *

**68. Clothed**

* * *

The bell over the thrift shop door jingled and I made a beeline straight for the men's rack.

"Ilsa, I don't need anymore clothes."

I gave him my best Snape impression: one eyebrow arched, lips slightly pursed, channeling _'you're an idiot' _with all my might. He took one look at me and chuckled.

"You've been learning about Muggles for a month; I think you should dress like one when that bastard, Cumberpatch, decides to stick his dick where it doesn't belong and check on us. Dress shirts?" I flicked the first few patterned ones aside. "Perfect! Orange. My favorite color!"

* * *

**69. Motivation**

* * *

I considered our outing a success: three button up shirts for Severus, none of them black or white, and a soft cardigan with sparkly orange beads for me.

He was currently standing in the middle of our room, hands on his narrow hips, scowling.

"I'll buy us pizza for lunch if you wear it." I waved the burnt orange-colored shirt back and forth.

To my surprise, he started unbuttoning his dingy white one. I wasn't sure whether to be thankful or disappointed when I realized he had an undershirt on.

"The ones with the real, fresh mozzarella?"

"Of course."

* * *

**70. Tattoo**

* * *

I adjusted the collar and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. On his left forearm there was a faded, scarred tattoo. I turned my head to see it better. It was a snake spilling from a skull's mouth. Severus's slender hand covered it; he turned his head, his expression twisted with some deep inner agony.

"Sev—"

"Leave it," he hissed.

I leaned forward and brushed my lips over his sharp cheekbone. "I'm sorry. For whatever's hurt you so badly, I'm sorry."

He entered the bathroom and softly shut the door. I sat against it, head in my hands.

* * *

_A bottle of sangria for my wonderful beta, renaid, who doubted the orange shirt... Does Ilsa or the pizza hold more sway over Severus, do you think?_


	15. Act XV

**Act XV**

* * *

**71. Absolution**

* * *

I fell backwards when the bathroom door opened suddenly. He stared down at me, his face hard and blank.

"Keep your pity; it will not absolve my sins."

I lay still at his feet, staring up at him. "No. You have to forgive yourself."

"Some things are beyond pardon." He looked away, his fingers brushing the cuff of the unrolled sleeve.

"_If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete. The Buddha._" I stretched out and cupped his bony ankles gently. "Do you still want pizza?" I asked in a small voice.

He bent and took my hands. "Yes."

* * *

**72. Run**

* * *

"I ran away from home when I was sixteen," I said quietly.

He just blinked at me over his pizza slice.

"Actually the day after I turned sixteen."

"You don't have to tell me anything," he said quietly.

"Please?"

He shifted, looking uncomfortable, but he let me continue.

"My mother had made me cry in the morning by telling me my birthday wasn't worth celebrating. But my father smuggled a tiny piece of cake into the bathroom and had me eat it in three bites and then burn the napkin out the window while he smoked to hide the smell."

* * *

**73. Paradox**

* * *

"It was a lot of those kinds of paradoxes. She would wake me up to have screaming matches at three a.m. because she had insomnia and was bored. My dad would buy me ice cream on the way home from school the next day. She started threatening to kick me out when I was ten." I began shredding the napkin between us into a little pile of snow. "My dad started hiding money in the heating vent for me. He said it was going to be my ticket to a new life."

Severus stopped eating and was watching my hands.

* * *

**74. Winter**

* * *

I blew on the pile and it scattered over him, confetti clinging to his shirt.

"I didn't have any toys or personal possessions because she either destroyed them as punishment or pawned them for drugs. We lived in a filthy apartment in a wretched part of New York. I finally left in the dead of winter. My dad gave me the money and his coat and I caught a bus to my school in the morning, as usual. But then—that night I went to the park instead of going home."

"Ilsa…"

"It gets better." I gave him a smile.

* * *

**75. Confidence**

* * *

"When I was a senior they arranged for a few students to take a trip to London. They picked disadvantaged students that don't usually get those opportunities."

The tiny bits of napkin were falling off of his shirt every time he moved. "You were chosen?"

"Yup. I said goodbye to my father and told him I wasn't coming back. He was glad. So I stayed."

"Why are you telling me this? Don't think you can trick reciprocal confidences out of me." His harsh words were at odds with his soft tone.

_"To understand everything is to forgive everything. The Buddha."_

* * *

_A twirl & smile for my sweet beta, renaid, who checks up on me when I'm sick and sends me virtual soup.  
_


	16. Act XVI

**Act XVI**

* * *

**76. Aimless **

* * *

We walked aimlessly through the landscape, the grass swishing against our thighs and the wind making our hair dance wildly. I held my peace, feeling bad that this was as close to being alone as he could get.

A huge owl came soaring over the bluff and alighted on a low stone.

"Fuck," I whispered.

It had some sort of scroll tied to its talons. It eyed us both warily, but Severus strolled right up to it and retrieved the paper.

"Be gone with you. I've no treats."

With an indignant hoot and a glower, it took to the air.

* * *

**77. Owl**

* * *

"Well, the Ministry is coming tomorrow." He rerolled the scroll and linked our arms together. At any other time that would have fascinated me, but I could not stop straining after the owl.

"Did you _see _that? That was a huge, fucking owl."

He gave me a little half smile and shook his head. "Wizards use them as mail carriers."

Did they just fly around England? Aren't owls nocturnal? Who fed them? Did they have owlries for all the postal owls? Why didn't people see them flying around with little letters tied to them?

"A fucking enormous owl," I repeated.

* * *

**78. Bed-mate**

* * *

Severus was spooned up against my back, his warm breath on my neck and his large hand splayed over my stomach. When I shifted, he tightened his grip and curled his long legs tighter against me.

I could see the fine, dark hair that covered his bare arm and the smattering that trailed over his wrist. I brushed my fingers lightly over his hand and was rewarded by a low grumble as my bed-mate burrowed his face into my hair. I felt his impressive nose just behind my ear.

I would never have guessed that Severus would be a cuddler.

* * *

**79. Cozy**

* * *

When I woke again, it was to pounding on the door.

"Open up, Snape; I know you're in there, and I would recognize your wards anywhere."

"Severus?" I murmured.

The bed shifted and the blankets resettled around my shoulders.

"I've got it."

I watched his shoulder muscles ripple through sleepy eyes as he shrugged his emerald green button up on and drew his wand.

"Cumberpatch—" His voice positively dripped venom, "To what do we owe this honor?"

"No need to growl, Snape. I see you are getting cozy with your Muggle." Cumberpatch leaned around Severus and leered at me.

* * *

**80. Odious**

* * *

Severus leaned forward, shouldering Cumberpatch back roughly. "Watch your tone," he snarled.

"Well, you can't blame a fellow for an honest observation."

"I _can_ blame you for a wholly unwelcome one." His voice was icier than a midwinter wind.

I drew Severus's wool jacket around my shoulders. Leaving the tiny buttons undone, I padded to the door.

"I think we will meet you at the café in an hour. Is that all right?" I leaned my cheek against Severus's upper arm and sneered at the odious Cumberpatch.

He ogled me again and gave a happy little nod. "See you then. Ta."

* * *

_A cup of coffee for my dedicated beta, renaid, who knows that Cumberpatch is a revolting little prig! _


	17. Act XVII

**Act XVII**

* * *

**81. Rage**

* * *

Severus had a lot more anger towards Cumberpatch than he seemed to on the day of our wedding. He was all glares and snarls and kept himself between the official and me.

"I just popped by to see how you are doing. If you cooperate, this will all be over soon." Cumberpatch flicked his quill.

Severus surreptitiously cast a series of spells over our secluded café table.

"Just a few painless questions and you can return to… whatever you were doing." He waggled his eyebrows at us.

Painless was a matter of opinion.

Severus wrapped his arm around me tightly.

* * *

**82. Hints**

* * *

A tedious, innuendo-laden conversation followed. Cumberpatch wanted our day-to-day life narrated in disturbing detail. I started about six inches away from Severus and ended up squished securely against his side, his arm banded tightly around my shoulders. He wouldn't let Cumberpatch so much as look at me without snarling.

"Well, you certainly seem attached." Cumberpatch stared at my relatively flat chest as if trying to see my hidden charms.

"You have done enough to her already. I won't tolerate your disrespect for another moment."

He really was unpredictably sweet sometimes. I wrapped my own arm around his waist and grinned.

* * *

**83. Wedlock**

* * *

"I see you've got rings."

"What of it?" Severus had dropped even the whisper of congeniality. He reminded me of a guard dog straining at the end of his tether, ready to kill.

"I see you have tamed our favorite little Death Eater at last, Miss Nash," Cumberpatch simpered.

"_To conquer oneself is a greater task than conquering others. The Buddha."_

He frowned. "Quite."

"I have had enough of this foolishness. You had better just dance along back to London now. You can see I am abiding by the parameters of the law."

Cumberpatch stood and nodded. "I'll be in touch."

* * *

**84. Invisible**

* * *

"Don't bother," Severus muttered and then even lower, "And go fuck yourself."

I ran the tip of my finger over my lip rings, feeling the smooth metal. Even after Cumberpatch disappeared around the corner of the café, Severus didn't let go of me.

"Coffee?" I murmured against his chest.

"Yes." But he didn't move to dissipate the charms that cloaked us from the café.

I giggled, "Sev? The waitress can't see us."

He was looking down at me with the oddest, soft expression on his normally composed face, and I thought, for one breathless moment, that he might kiss me.

* * *

**85. Content**

* * *

Instead, he asked quietly, "How can you not be furious about Cumberpatch?"

"_You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. The Buddha."_

"Hmmf."

We stayed in the café all day. A storm had blown up from the bay and it rained continually in thick sheets. He read his books and I sketched the different patrons of the shop. We stayed in the booth, Severus on the outside and me tucked up against the wall. He kept my coffee filled and we snacked on scones and tiny sandwiches.

I was absolutely and completely content.

* * *

_A cup of coffee for my thoughtful beta, renaid, who_ _would be content too... if she were in Ilsa's position._

_Do you think Ilsa will get a kiss from our favorite Potions Master?_


	18. Act XVIII

**Act XVIII**

* * *

**86. Self-Conscious**

* * *

He wouldn't meet my eyes. We had brushed our teeth as usual and waited for the other person to go to the bathroom. Now we were sitting on the bed and it was strangely awkward.

"Whatever is the matter?" I asked for the fourth time.

"Nothing," he snapped, but pink was crawling over his cheekbones. He tried, valiantly, to meet my eyes and failed.

The tension in the air shifted as I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his stubble-rough cheek. His hand fisted in the blankets. I tilted my head. We were extremely close, our breath mingling.

* * *

**87. Kiss**

* * *

The dark rings of his pupils dilated.

"You'll regret this," his deep voice was nothing more than a rough whisper.

"_There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills. The Buddha,_" I murmured back.

He gently kissed me then, closed-mouthed, the metal of my lip rings sliding over his skin. He pulled back for a moment, as though waiting for me to pull away. I simply followed his retreat.

* * *

**88. Stormy**

* * *

We simply kissed softly in the darkness, the occasional burst of light from the lightning and the deep rumble of thunder providing punctuation. There were no words for this beautiful, fragile thing blossoming between us, the most unlikely of lovers.

His lips were soft and he tasted like peppermint and coffee.

Severus might be odd-looking, slightly awkward, and wear his surly attitude like armor, but at some point he had decided that I was worth protecting and maybe, if I was the luckiest girl ever, worth loving.

I was going to treasure every second of this wild twist of life.

* * *

**89. Second Thoughts**

* * *

Severus's mask-face was back and he lay stiffly against me, just watching my face. Obviously, his insecurities were back full force with the light of day. I leaned forward and kissed the tip of his nose.

"Come sit on the commode so I can shower?" I grinned. "I'd kiss you properly but I'm not sure I'm confident about my morning breath."

The tension slid from his shoulders. "Sod morning breath," he mumbled and hauled my head forward, his hand tangled in my hair.

This morning he had a new fierceness and desperation in his caress.

I smiled into his mouth.

* * *

**90. Dye**

* * *

I was bent over the tub, rinsing out the last of the hair color in a swirl of hot pink and brilliant orange.

Severus sat next to me on the floor of the bathroom, pretending to read the paper.

Rubbing my head vigorously with a towel, I sat back on my heels and gave him a grin. "Alright, enough girly nonsense for today."

"Already? And I was _so_ hoping you'd let me varnish your nails next," Severus sneered.

I just laughed and reached into my bag, waving the orange polish container back and forth. "Well, if you insist."

He sighed.

* * *

_A kiss for my most proper beta, renaid, who_ _thinks that Severus should know better than to bait Ilsa._

_How long do you think the idyllic peace of a summer in the moors last for our two lovebirds? _


	19. Act IXX

**Act IXX**

* * *

**91. Leaving**

* * *

We took a picnic out on the moors and the most expensive bottle of scotch we could find in the local liquor store. The air still smelled of the rain, thick and green.

Severus had his black greatcoat on over a deep emerald button up. It was unclasped and the wind lifted it like a great bird's wings.

"I am thinking of returning to London." He unwrapped his second sandwich and took a large bite before glaring at me. Did he think I would refuse him?

"Alright? Tomorrow?"

His brow furrowed and he looked away. "Tomorrow."

I clasped his hand.

* * *

**92. Storm**

* * *

"I thought you were a drug user, you know?"

It was evening and we were passing the scotch back and forth, taking tiny, burning sips.

"Well, in the interest of full disclosure, I do smoke weed sometimes." I was on my back, watching the gold and orange bleed from the darkening sky.

"_If we were rain: I am a drizzle and you are a hurricane. Paraphrase of John Green._" He slanted me a look and a half smile.

"You read young adult fiction?" I stared up at him.

His pale throat moved as he took a drink. "I read everything."

* * *

**93. Past**

* * *

"Do you ever read out loud?" I asked.

He just arched an eyebrow.

"Shakespeare? Your diction is perfect."

He took another drink and looked away. "I have worked rather hard on that."

"Oh?" I took the bottle from his loose grip, smiling at his shy, half-assed admissions.

"_Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing._"

"Macbeth."

He stared in honest surprise.

"What? I know how to fucking read." I laughed.

* * *

**94. Heat**

* * *

We lay in our room at the bed and breakfast for the last night. Severus was plastered against my back, his arms around me, making little noises and whimpers in his sleep. We had spent an enjoyable time wandering back from our dinner, kissing gently, tasting of scotch and chocolate. He had yet to take any forward motion in our physical encounters. He might kiss me as though my mouth was oxygen, but his hands could never be thought of as anything but gentlemanly, even as his lips gained confidence.

But his eyes—they burned hot and wild, demanding and frightening in their intensity.

* * *

**95. Intense**

* * *

I had once confessed to being too intense, but I was coming to realize that Severus was just as deeply forceful, perhaps even more passionate than I, with his vast experience and profound, hidden wounds.

What had happened to him that kept him so closed and guarded? Why did he look away from me whenever he asked me for something or told me something personal?

Telling me his accent was carefully cultivated might not rank high on others' lists of deep moments, but from him it was a piece of the ever-widening tapestry of Severus Snape: wizard, criminal and teacher.

* * *

_A bottle of scotch for my passionate beta, renaid, who is consistent._

_What awaits our lovers in London?_


	20. Act XX

**Act XX**

**96. Reflections**

* * *

We made the changeover in York, and I started asking questions as soon as the train began to pull through the station.

"Are we going somewhere specific in London?"

"I have a—well, an old acquaintance who might be able to aid us."

"Aid us with what, exactly?" A heavy weight settled in my chest as I postulated the sort of things that we could need help with.

He gave me a small smile. "_Men at some time are masters of their fates. The fault, dear_ Ilsa_, is not in our stars; but in ourselves, that we are underlings. Shakespeare."_

* * *

**97. Shades**

* * *

I was quiet, watching the train eat up the English countryside. Severus seemed to nap, his shaggy hair falling over his brow.

"What are you thinking of? You've been positively brooding," he finally asked without opening his eyes.

"_He who loves fifty people has fifty woes; he who loves no one has no woes. The Buddha_," I whispered.

Severus opened both eyes and watched me twist my wedding band around my finger.

"Have you ever wanted a cottage?" I changed the subject.

He blinked at the question. "Pardon?"

"A small one, with a large garden and an old wood stove?"

* * *

**98. Death**

* * *

"I wanted something like that, a long time ago." He closed his eyes again.

"What was her name?" I whispered.

He turned his face away. "Lily." After a long moment he asked, "What was his name?"

I smiled then, wondering how someone who was obviously possessing a great intellect could be so very blind sometimes. Just as I opened my mouth to say 'Severus Snape' the whistle sounded and we were pulling into King's Cross Station.

"Shall we see if the old squat is still around?" I asked teasingly, as he shouldered the rucksack.

He gave me a dark look.

* * *

**99. Burning**

* * *

"I want Thai for dinner." I grabbed his hand and spun under it, like a dancer. He surprised me by giving me another twirl. He wasn't smiling, but the crinkling around his eyes gave his amusement away.

"Thai?"

"Coconut curry, peanut sauce, saffron rice, and mangos for desert? Have you ever had Thai food?" I was practically salivating just thinking about it.

"No."

"Fuck! You haven't lived." I grinned at him. "Unless you can't take the heat?"

His eyes narrowed dangerously, but I only laughed and spun again, wrapping myself in his long arm until I rested against his chest.

* * *

**100. Angle**

* * *

"So—tomorrow?"

He bit into the juicy dessert mango with crooked teeth and arched a thick black brow at me.

"Do you have a plan?" I sipped the coconut-flavored drink and drew swirls in the dregs of my curry.

"Of course." He sounded mildly affronted.

"Do I get to know what it is?"

He smirked, "No."

I rolled my eyes and twisted the wedding band around my finger.

"You will get to see a bit more of the wizarding world, though."

I only wanted to see it if it was exciting like Severus, not uncomfortable like the odious Cumberpatch.

* * *

_A train ticket for my traveling beta, renaid, who is inspired._

_The Shakespeare quote could be translated this way according to No Fear Shakespeare: Men can be masters of their fate. It is not destiny's fault, but our own faults, that we're slaves._

_Who could Severus possibly be going to see?_


	21. Act XXI

**Act XXI**

* * *

**101. Nature**

* * *

While I was excited to see more of Severus's world, the mild apprehension of the night before had spilled over into a cup of worry. Now, more than ever, I would see what set us apart. I wondered if seeing a realm that I could never be a part of would somehow destroy the cautious, tender thing that was growing between us like the most delicate of flowers.

"We will go to the Leaky Cauldron first." He glanced at me pensively. "I will have to change my appearance for a while."

I shrugged, intrigued at the casual way he said this.

* * *

**102. True Self**

* * *

He tapped his wand and looked at me with watery, muddy, brown eyes set in a forgettable, middle-aged face. He was dirty blond and balding, his thick lips slightly slack. I couldn't help but recoil slightly.

"Severus?"

One pale brow arched, and from plump lips came his deep, silky voice, faintly mocking, "Ilsa?"

"Fuck, you look… awful."

Severus turned away with a bitter chuckle. "Not much difference then."

I frowned; my Severus might not be a fashion plate, but I had come to adore his dark looks and distinctive, hooked nose. This—stranger was as unwelcome as he was unsightly.

* * *

**103. Faith**

* * *

"With your permission, I would like to alter your hair."

I frowned, still disconcerted by Severus's voice coming from a foreign mouth.

"Just the color, temporarily. I won't harm _your_ pretty face"

"_Weeds harm the fields; vanity harms humanity. The Buddha._" I squeezed my eyes shut, expecting the metamorphosis to be painful, but it was only a tingling warmth that covered the crown of my head.

When I looked in the mirror, I saw my face surrounded by limp, brown hair.

He was watching me closely with a faintly apprehensive look.

"It is rather unremarkable."

"That is entirely the point."

* * *

** 104. Simplicity**

* * *

On our way through the Muggle shops, I spied a tiny Asian art gallery. The dingy, narrow window was lit dimly, but I could still see the three bowls that huddled together on a simple stand.

"Severus, look."

"They've been broken," he said skeptically.

"It's called kintsukuroi." I traced the edge of the jade green bowl lovingly with my eyes. "It means 'golden repair' in Japanese. They mend the broken pottery by putting gold lacquer in the cracks. It's a metaphor you know? That some things can be more beautiful and precious for having been broken."

"Metaphors are insipid," Severus growled.

* * *

**105. Unwelcome**

* * *

The Leaky Caldron was apparently a rather famous wizarding pub near Charing Cross Road. It looked like a broken-down dump from the front, but when Severus linked arms with me and tugged me through the door, I felt the shimmering warmth of magic.

"We are walking straight through; do not speak to anyone," he hissed.

And I shut the fuck up.

It was rather shabby and the corners were dimly lit, but the walls had a new coat of white wash recently. There were some very interesting paintings in which the characters moved like movies. It was positively charming.

* * *

_A beer with lime & a bowl of potato soup for my furiously writing beta, renaid, who has met a story she likes._


	22. Act XXII

**Act XXII**

* * *

**106. Solace**

* * *

We passed through into a tiny courtyard and faced a blank brick wall. I fidgeted; the robes that Severus had made out of my cardigan were entirely too warm for the day.

Severus tapped a series of bricks in an anti-clockwise pattern, and the bricks parted into an archway that led down a bustling street.

I wasn't usually one to panic, but the very air that brushed my face felt wild and enchanted. I sidled up against Severus's side and he enfolded me under his great, shabby, brown cloak.

"Do not, under any circumstances, get separated from me," he whispered.

* * *

**107. Obsession**

* * *

I didn't have any time to mention the proximity spell because he was walking briskly down the cobblestone lane. I was still tucked under his arm and I was glad, since I couldn't look around fast enough to take it all in. The buildings reminded me of black and white photos of Victorian London, although some of the edifices looked quite structurally impossible. There were shops for everything, with huge windows displaying the wares to the world: cauldrons, thick old books, funny hats and draping robes, sweets shops and a teashop.

"Severus, is that wizard ice-cream?" I gasped longingly, pointing.

* * *

**108. Colors**

* * *

He didn't slow at all, snapping, "On the way back."

I followed meekly, as it was obvious that he was ill at ease here, regardless of whether it was _his_ world or not. I wondered if the mysterious, criminal past he was so fucking reluctant to talk about was to blame. After all, why else would he disguise us, except if he wasn't truly welcome here.

The building he stopped in front of was decorated by a large statue of a large snowy owl bearing a scroll in its beak, its wings majestically outstretched. The sign read: _Public Post Owls._

* * *

**109. Urgent**

* * *

The inside reminded me of a post office, only with owls and feathers and a low-level bird-induced hum. Severus dragged me to a long, narrow table where he scribbled out a note with a huge quill. He shouldered up and wouldn't let me catch a glimpse of what he wrote.

I stared over the plethora of owls, large and small, with light and dark plumage. It seemed as if every owl species could be represented in this room.

When he attached the folded parchment to an owl on a perch labeled 'Urgent,' I caught sight of the one word address: _Potter_.

* * *

**110. Glaring**

* * *

As soon as the owl disappeared through the open high window, he was on the move again, my arm around his waist.

"Ice cream?" I asked. He shot me a quelling look but I only giggled. "Without your lovely black eyes, your nasty looks just don't have the same gravitas."

"There's nothing particularly special about Fortescue's," he sniffed, but we went through the glass doors anyway. "You will order for me. Dark chocolate with cherries."

I couldn't make up my mind and Severus's watery brown glare was getting annoying, so I excitedly decided to have a little bit of everything.

* * *

_A slice of gingerbread for my dear beta, renaid, who wants to scream at Ilsa, "Force him to talk to you!"._

_What would _you _like to say/scream_ _Ilsa?_

* * *

_On aside: this is about the chapter when I have to explain myself. This is an Alternate Universe story and it will become more and more obvious in the next handful of Acts. __I like to take my Harry Potter 'Lite' you could say: happy endings, strategic canon ignorance (last three books or so), a kind, and a generous interpretation of Severus Snape. So keep my feelings about Severus in mind: He was a grumpy teacher and an awful Headmaster, but he wasn't completely cruel and he didn't abuse anyone._


	23. Act XXIII

**Act XXIII**

* * *

**111. Tattered**

* * *

Our meander back to our lodging was solemn. I could recognize that this idyllic month that we had spent completely wrapped up in each other was drawing to a close. What I could not fathom was the strange desperation in Severus's eyes.

Extremely vigilant, he stepped around me so that he walked between the traffic and me as we crossed the avenue.

The relaxed partner I knew at Robin Hood's Bay had given way, again, to a suspicious and tattered man.

"Severus? Can you take off the magic?" I queried softly.

"It's called a glamour," his tone was sharp.

* * *

**112. Smoothing**

* * *

I lay in the darkness, a painful and hard feeling in the pit of my stomach. Severus lay on the edge of bed, as ridged as he had ever been. How long had it been since he had turned away from me like this? I wondered what demons his foray into the wizarding world had reawakened.

I rolled over slowly and molded myself against his back.

He sighed and relaxed against me, the sharp angles of his back smoothing into my front. I wrapped my arm around his waist.

A moment before I slipped into sleep I heard him murmur, "Ilsa."

* * *

**113. Twining**

* * *

He spent the morning at the window, reading or scowling at the rain. His mood was darker than the storm clouds that scuttled across the narrow stretch of sky we could see from the bed and breakfast window.

I twined myself around his shoulders at lunchtime. "Shall I call out?"

He stiffened, but didn't pull away. "I'm not hungry."

"Chinese? I would really like some fried rice." I ran my fingers through his shaggy hair.

"I'm not hungry," he insisted, but I could feel him softening in my arms.

"Chicken or beef?"

"Beef." He turned his face into my neck.

* * *

**114. Fools**

* * *

The takeout boxes lay scattered over the windowsill in the stormy afternoon half-light. I sat on the floor between Severus's legs, wielding my chopsticks against a particularly vicious chunk of spicy chicken.

"Severus, what's bothering you?" I finally asked.

"I spilled rice in your hair."

"Liar." But I laughed and tipped my head back to smile at him.

His answering smile was bitter. "_The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool. Shakespeare._"

"You can always tell me."

"Ilsa—"

But at that moment a huge snowy owl alighted at the window.

* * *

**115. Visiting**

* * *

"Tomorrow morning we will be calling on someone who can help us."

He folded the letter and tucked it away while I offered the owl a piece of the snow pea beef. With a ruffle of its feathers and a final longing glance at the chicken, it took to the skies and Severus shut the window.

I opened my mouth ask what we needed help with since I was pretty damn sure that everything was perfectly fine in _my _world, but the feeling of Severus's fingers gently combing through my bangs and scratching lightly over my scalp shut me up.

* * *

_A shout out for my excitable beta, renaid, who knows that they both have to suffer before the sweetness._

_The Shakespeare is from As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1._

_What do you think Potter will say to Severus?_


	24. Act XXIV

**Act XXIV**

* * *

**116. River**

* * *

Our destination was in the Borough of Islington and, while I was more than happy to walk as far as we needed to, Severus was adamant about busing. As we crossed the bridge, Severus pointed up to a flock of tiny birds that swooped low over the rippling water.

Dipping his head, he sighed, breath hot on the shell of my ear. "_Sweet Thames! run softly, till I end my song. Edmund Spenser._" His voice was low and sad to my hearing.

I, very suddenly, wanted to cry. "Fuck, that _is_ lovely, Severus."

But he was already walking ahead again.

* * *

**117. Twelve**

* * *

We stood on the porch of Grimmauld Place, number twelve, to be exact. I was becoming familiar with the tickle and shimmer of magic as we marched up to the dark, wooden door. The knocker looked like a great lion's head, but before Severus had a chance to use it, the door was flung open.

"Professor! It's so good to see you!" A petite, redheaded girl stood framed in the doorway, all smiles and excitement.

"The feeling is, of course, likewise, Miss Weasley," Severus managed to choke out with about all of the excitement of a man come to die.

* * *

**118. Pristine**

* * *

The girl practically hauled us over the sill and into a great hall with a massive staircase. The whole interior had a scrubbed out feeling, as though it had been stripped and scoured before being put back together. The walls were papered with an unapologetically crimson and gold design, and the bronze and crystal chandelier looked antique.

"Well, you've done something with the place, at least," Severus sniffed, eyeing the thick oriental carpet malevolently.

Miss Weasley smiled, exclaiming, "The curse breakers just finished a few months ago and we've been decorating. Such a difference, don't you think?"

"Quite," Severus bit out.

* * *

**119. Ally**

* * *

"You must be Ilsa." She turned the full force of her dazzling smile on me. "I'm Ginny Potter." She extended her hand.

Severus's grip on my elbow tightened possessively.

She glanced back to him. "Professor Snape, perhaps you hadn't heard Harry and I got married."

"How wretched that I wasn't permitted to pop out of Azkaban for the blessed event." His tone was positively venomous as he tugged me firmly away from the harmless-looking girl. "And I'm no longer anyone's professor."

I speculated at his hostile reaction to the people he called allies. Did he have any genuine relationships?

* * *

**120. Potter**

* * *

"Is that Snape?" a male voice sounded from deeper in the house. A young man with wild black hair and glasses came striding toward us, already reaching out for Severus's hand.

"So glad you've come. I can't tell you how delighted we are to have you. You really ought to have come right 'round after the whole mess. I've been trying and trying to get Kingsley to give me a straight answer as to what's been done about this secret law. It's positively maddening— Tea?" and the boy trailed off with a wide smile. Fuck, did he even draw breath?

* * *

_A glass of red wine for __**my**__ beta, renaid, who edited the chapters out of order, because I struggle with climaxes. _

_Severus quotes Edmund Spenser, author of The Faerie Queene, and his refrain from the marriage song Prothalamion, which was written in 1596 on the occasion of the twin marriages of the daughters of the Earl of Worcester. This line was also used in T.S. Eliot's poem 'The Waste Land' (1922)._

_A Grimmauld Place redecorated in Gryffindor colors? What do you think the Black's reaction is to that from beyond the grave?_


	25. Act XXV

**Act XXV**

* * *

**121. Undamaged  
**

* * *

He turned the full force of his bright green eyes onto me. "You _must_ be Ilsa; I'm Harry Potter. You look remarkably undamaged for spending over a month with Professor Snape."

"I'm not sure what the fuck you mean by _that_, but Severus would never hurt me," I all but snarled. Who did they think they were, insinuating such a thing?

Harry and Ginny shared a look that I couldn't decipher.

"You said something about tea, Potter?" Severus placed himself firmly between the couple and I.

"It's your lucky day."

"_Fools wait for a lucky day. The Buddha,"_ I growled.

* * *

**122. Tea  
**

* * *

Tea: that beautiful British ritual the magic of which I still did not quite understand. Fascinated, I watched Ginny warm the teapot and measure the leaves with graceful, capable movements.

Harry was talking about a mile a minute.

"So after you lot were rounded up after the battle, Kingsley couldn't find out for a bit where you'd been taken. It was chaos; I'm sure you understand. For weeks we couldn't make heads or tails of anything. During that time, the Marriage Law got passed in a pile of standard paperwork." Harry shook his head angrily, accepting a steaming teacup from Ginny.

* * *

**123. School Work  
**

* * *

"I've never seen such sloppy work in my life," he lamented.

Severus sneered, "I could dig out some of your old essays, if you like."

Harry laughed richly. "Well, then the law was passed and Cumberpatch had a title… what was it again? Something pompous. They had enacted a secrecy act, of course, and we couldn't get anyone to talk to us."

"Enough excuses; I'm not interested in why you didn't come to break me out. Honestly, Potter. I want to know what's been done to _dissolve _it."

My teacup faltered. Oh, God. He _wanted_ to be free of me.

* * *

**124. Desire**

* * *

I had done it to myself, after all. The second noble truth warned us: _Desire and attachment are the causes of dissatisfaction and suffering._ I had let myself become attached to Severus and began to desire him desperately. I dropped my eyes to the carpet, and my fingertip traced the edge of the delicate teacup.

The realization that I was completely fucked was _painful_.

"Would you like a biscuit, Ilsa?" Ginny was beaming at me.

"Thanks," I murmured.

She kept grinning, "So, how did you two meet?"

"Oh, for fucks sake," Severus hissed. "She was abducted and forced."

* * *

**125. Law  
**

* * *

"What does the law actually say?" I asked, curious.

"I just got my hands on it yesterday." Harry unrolled a parchment.

**_Marriage Law_**

_For the improvement of the racial sensibilities of Death Eaters, _

_formerly in the service of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named._

_Forthwith: eligible Death Eaters to be paired with a Muggle (male or female as fits the wizard's own tastes) of marriageable age (eighteen to fifty) for a period specified on a case-by-case basis. Muggles will be attached to their benefactor by a proximity charm for insurance of maximum contact. Wizards will be monitored through a wand trace for the duration._

* * *

_A shot of tequila and a jar of salsa for my sassy__ beta, renaid, who is waiting in the wings, cheering me on._

_What are Severus's motives, do you think? _


	26. Act XXVI

**Act XXVI**

* * *

**126. Addendum**

* * *

But it continued:

_The Moste Honorable Hubert Cumberpatch, _

_(Minister for the Rehabilitation of Pureblood Supremacists through Marital Muggle Connections)_

_Will personally oversee each marital match to insure quality participation. All Death Eaters who refuse to participate will have their wands snapped and memories altered or removed._

_Muggle marital candidates will be sourced from the slums of London for the good of both Muggle England and their own improvement. _

_Additions and addendums to be added at the Minister's discretion._

The paper faltered and fluttered from my shaking hand. "Fuck."

"I was thinking more: Merlin's saggy bearded tits."

I gaped at Harry.

* * *

**127. Run  
**

* * *

"So—young runaways?" Ginny was watching me, probably wondering what sort of runaway I was.

"They needed a supply of Muggles, mostly women, who would not be missed. Runaways were a bit of a stroke of genius, actually." Severus glanced sideway at me. "No one would miss them but other fugitives, and they often feel that they will receive no help from people, so they don't even try to contact authorities."

"And you, Ilsa?"

"I'm in Britain illegally," I said flatly, my American accent harsh against their posh enunciation. Severus pressed his fingers comfortingly against the back of my hand.

* * *

**128. Tethered  
**

* * *

"Why don't you come into the kitchen with me, Ilsa?" Ginny stood.

"I can't," I mumbled.

Severus made a dismissive motion with one hand. "You can go."

I stared at him. "You mean you could have disabled the proximity spell this whole time?"

His cheeks colored, but he didn't say anything, his lips making a thin line.

I jumped up and walked out to the perimeter, tentatively taking the last step. Nothing happened. When I looked back at him, he was steadfastly gazing out of the window. I had so many questions: When? Why now? Why not before?

I sighed.

* * *

**129. Bond  
**

* * *

I followed Ginny down the hall.

"She _seems _content." Harry sounded surprised.

"Oh, for fucks sake, Potter, it's called capture-bonding." Harry must have asked a question because Severus continued. "It's a psychological phenomenon when hostages develop positive feelings toward their captors. She has mistaken a lack of abuse from _me_ for kindness."

"So that's her excuse, but why are _you_ so attached?"

The parlor door swung shut before I could hear his response. Ginny was watching me, a soft look on her face. "_Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. The Buddha_," I whispered.

* * *

**130. Separate  
**

* * *

Ginny was quiet as she led me to a narrow staircase at the end of the hall. We descended into a vast chamber with a large fireplace at one end and a long wooden table dividing it down the center. The immense plate racks smelled of fresh varnish and were covered with white china. She crossed to the old stove and double-checked the steaming pots.

"You know Harry and I will do whatever we can to help you, don't you, Ilsa?"

I nodded and tried to smile. However, I didn't want or need their assistance to be separated from Severus.

* * *

_A large plate of pasta for my steadfast beta__, renaid, who still thinks Cumberpatch needs to be hexed... soundly.  
_

_Do **you** think Ilsa is suffering from Stockholm syndrome (also called capture-bonding)?_


	27. Act XXVII

**Act XXVII**

* * *

**131. Spare**

* * *

The Potters offered us use of _two_ spare rooms. They were nothing if not hospitable. Severus merely frowned and said we would come back tomorrow, much to my relief.

I was just glad to get away from Ginny's pity and Harry's speculation.

"Are you sure, Snape? Don't like the red and gold?" Harry smiled.

"Any place the Blacks have cursed will need something stronger than a slipshod overhaul by the Ministry's lackluster cursebreaking team and a coat of red paint, before I would let a Muggle stay there, Potter." And he entwined our arms and stalked out the door.

* * *

**132. Pretend**

* * *

I was determined to live in the moment. "Want to get dinner before we go back to the room?" I entwined our fingers and smiled up at him.

He looked down at me and shrugged, his eyes dull.

I stood on my tiptoes to press my lips to his cheek, but he only stood stiffly, rooted to the pavement.

"Ilsa—"

"Fish and chips?" I interrupted, desperate to keep him from telling me that my touch was unwelcome. "And a good beer?"

"Ilsa…" He leaned down and rested his forehead on my shoulder tiredly.

"Pretend we are still in Yorkshire."

* * *

**133. Brush**

* * *

We shared a mound of fish and chips out of a handful of newspaper on a bench between us. The park we had wandered into was beginning to dim. The sun had begun to tangle in the leaves, casting dappled shadows over the paths.

"Severus, will we see the girls soon?"

He passed me the brown paper-wrapped jug of beer.

"I'll speak with Potter."

Our fingers brushed as we reached for the same piece of fish. His cheeks reddened slightly as he pulled back. I held it to his lips, and after a long moment he accepted the bite.

* * *

**134. So Close**

* * *

"So, are you going to tell me about the proximity spell?"

Severus scowled warningly.

"I felt like a right idiot in front of the Potters. There is so much I don't know about magic yet."

"I don't want you to know about my magic."

I recoiled in spite of myself. "But—why?"

He wasn't looking at me and the hand that gripped the beer was white around the knuckles.

"I hurt people with my magic."

_"'They insulted me; they hurt me; they defeated me; they cheated me.' In those who do not harbor such thoughts, hate will cease. The Buddha."_

* * *

**135. Adrift**

* * *

Another night tangled together in the bed. Only when it was completely dark would Severus respond to my kisses. But when we finally drifted into sleep, his nightmares were worse than the night before. His whimpers turned into screams and I struggled to wake him.

Half asleep he clung to me, panting, his face damp with tears. I rocked him, my heart aching for the pain that festered in his subconscious.

He tucked himself against me, his arms around my waist and his head on my chest. I fell asleep humming a lullaby and running my fingers though his hair.

* * *

_A mug of beer & a plate of fish & chips for my beta, renaid, who always make time to give me her opinions: both about my stories and sometimes on my feedback._

_What do __**you**__ think Severus is dreaming about?_


	28. Act XXVIII

**Act XXVIII**

* * *

**136. Thrill  
**

* * *

"Ilsa, this is Hermione Granger; she is one of my best friends and the best wizarding lawyer there is." Harry Potter motioned excitedly towards a small woman with wildly curly brown hair.

She laughed, brown eyes warm, and extended her hand.

"Actually, I am still in school, but I do work for the best wizarding law firm and I'm here to gather information on yours and Profe—er Master Snape's case."

I pulled my hand out of her gentle grip.

"Thrilling," I hissed in my best Severus impression.

She blinked at me, doubtless shocked at my impolite and unfriendly tone.

* * *

**137. Child  
**

* * *

Severus stood at the parlor window, his back to the room, ignoring the excruciatingly excited Harry and Ginny. When Hermione began unrolling parchments and checking her quills, he turned around.

"It isn't necessary for her to be here." Severus motioned to me. "Ilsa, please wait down in the kitchen."

I caught Ginny's pitying look and lifted my chin. He might be dismissing me like a child, but I would be damned before I let anyone pity me.

"Of course, Severus. You'll let me know when we're leaving." I swept out of the room with all the dignity I could muster.

* * *

**138. Protection  
**

* * *

I had only stood indecisively in the great kitchen for a few minutes before Ginny came down.

"He's only trying to protect you, you know," she said, breezing past me to the great stove.

I collapsed into chair with a sigh. "_Protect what is conquered and stay always aware. The Buddha._"

"Tea?"

"Do you have any whiskey?" I challenged.

Ginny looked surprised, but pulled a faceted glass bottle down from a high shelf. It was labeled _Blishen's Firewhiskey_ in scarlet cursive.

"Careful, it's strong," she cautioned.

I raised an eyebrow, "I can handle it."

She grinned at me, "Of course."

* * *

**139. Whiskey **

* * *

When Severus finally called me back upstairs an indeterminable amount of time later, I had taken several shots of the spicy liquor and was beginning to feel tingly.

"Won't you both stay for dinner?" Ginny wheedled.

I shot her a scowl and twined myself around Severus's torso like a cat. Three pairs of eyes widened as they watched my display.

"I don't want to stay here," I whined.

He glared down at me, but I stuck my tongue out at him. If he was going to treat me like a child, I was going to act like a fucking child.

* * *

**140. Proof  
**

* * *

"Have you been drinking?" He turned his attention to Ginny and gave her his most forbidding expression. She flushed and looked truly guilty.

I rubbed my cheek against the lapel of his frock coat. "Severus, I don't want to stay."

He wrapped an arm around me and turned me towards the doorway. "I am seriously displeased, Miss Weasley."

I rolled my eyes at her over his shoulder. They all stared after us with expressions ranging from embarrassment to astonishment.

"What did you drink?" he groaned.

"Just some spicy whiskey; I think I might have misjudged how strong it was."

"Obviously."

* * *

_A full bialetti of espresso for my beta, renaid, who knows how much I want to finish this story._

_Have you ever accidentally taken one shot of whiskey to many?_


	29. Act IXXX

**Act IXXX**

* * *

**141. Behave  
**

* * *

"What were you thinking, drinking that much?" Severus hauled me towards the bus stop.

I entwined our fingers and sighed; I really hadn't meant to drink at all, but Ginny had unexpectedly risen to my challenge. I didn't have any appropriate excuses besides resenting the intrusion on our lovely summer, oh—and the knowledge that Severus wanted to be liberated from me.

"I _am_ sorry Severus; I didn't mean to embarrass you."

He exhaled. "I trust you will be on your best behavior tomorrow when we meet with the Malfoys and your friends."

I nodded solemnly and squeezed his hand.

* * *

**142. Interrupted  
**

* * *

I pressed my lips admiringly along his jaw. He had abandoned the shirts I had chosen for him and was dressed in his severe black wool and a thick layer of snark.

"Ilsa—"

I strategically interrupted him with a lingering kiss.

We were headed somewhere entirely new this morning. Apparently, neutral ground was necessary, as the Malfoys and the Potters were not on the most friendly of terms, something about being on opposite sides of the secret war. However, I knew that it could not be as simple as that, since Severus somehow seemed to tentatively straddle the harsh lines of "good" and "evil".

* * *

**143. On Time  
**

* * *

When Hermione breezed into the richly decorated waiting room, I realized what the office we stood in actually was.

"Pro—Master Snape, Madam Snape, the Malfoys haven't arrived just yet."

"Trust Lucius to be fashionably late, as usual," Severus muttered.

Hermione eyed me. "You look rather pale, Ilsa. Can I fetch you a cup of tea?"

I shook my head and snuggled against Severus's side.

"Did you have a _comment,_ Miss Granger?" Severus snarled as he wrapped his wizarding robe around me.

Hermione dropped her gaze and motioned us further into the office. With every step I felt more ill.

* * *

**144. Abandoned  
**

* * *

I had been put in another room again, but this time I didn't care. The girls had finally come. Apparently, the proximity spell had been easily dealt with early on in their experience; only Severus had clung to it for reasons I couldn't fathom.

They had all been abandoned together at a summer cottage. The senior Malfoy had barely seen Renee at all. Blaise Zabini hadn't said two words together to Ami. Only Draco had visited their little oasis, bearing entertainment and food. Jules was quick to point out that he had kept her in cigarettes and weed, as well.

* * *

**145. Now  
**

* * *

I couldn't understand Severus. How could he have stayed with me, allowed me my freedom, played along with my demands and made me feel safe and, dare I say it, loved—only to _now_ be determined to leave me?

Perceptive Jules watched me, always the mother hen. "Damn, Ilsa, you've actually fallen for the bloke?"

The other girls looked at me sympathetically as I nodded miserably.

Ami wrapped her arm around me. "I'm sorry he's a berk."

"_The one I call holy has given up all desires, travels without a home, and in whom all desire is extinguished. The Buddha_."

* * *

_A Mindcraft themed cake for my beta, renaid, who is poised at the edge of the climax.  
_

_What do you think of the girls experiances? _


	30. Act XXX

**Act XXX**

* * *

**146. Perspective  
**

* * *

I had never been interested in boys—or men for that matter. When I was young survival was paramount, and as I got older, I was more interested in art, weaving dreams, and the teachings of The Buddha to pursue anyone. Life was a wild river to be ridden, not an aqueduct to be channeled.

All that had changed, slowly but eternally over the month Severus and I had spent together. He had altered my perception of the world irrevocably, both through the introduction to magic and his constant protective presence. I didn't want to think of life without him.

* * *

**147. Equals  
**

* * *

I met Ami's serious gaze and tried to smile.

Severus and I had been something like equals, both tossed together in the storm of a sham marriage that had seemed to blossom into a partnership. It was only now, returned to his former world, that Severus was widening the gap between us, transforming into someone authoritative and powerful—someone who I didn't know hardly at all.

"Where did _you_ go, anyway? We hoped you were going to turn up at the cottage," Renee asked.

I shook my head, "My summer plans didn't change at all."

"He took you to Yorkshire?"

* * *

**148. Law  
**

* * *

A whole group of people swept into the room then, an elderly man at the forefront.

"My dear girls." He smiled at us, his eyes bright and warm. "On behalf of the Ministry of Magic and, indeed, the whole of the magical world, I wish to extend my most humble apology for your shabby treatment by our government."

Jules took a protective stance in front of us, her hands on her hips. "And who the fuck are you?"

If he was shocked by her language he didn't let on, only smiled and extended a hand. "Benedict Laterstrome, lawyer, at your service."

* * *

**149. Faster  
**

* * *

Hermione and Harry stood on either side of Mr. Laterstrome, all smiles, confident that this was the best news in the world. My stomach roiled.

Severus was one of the last to enter the room, his face blank and his eyes dark.

Hermione was talked loudly, animated at the prospect of bypassing individual cases and taking a combined petition to the wizard equivalent of the high court.

"And of course, we are hoping to have this finished before the week is out," she trilled.

The younger blond, Draco, sneered, "Everything goes faster when Potter is behind it."

Harry blushed darkly.

* * *

**150. Girl's Night  
**

* * *

Ginny and Harry herded us girls out onto the street where two taxies were waiting.

"We are all going back to Grimmauld Place!" Ginny bounced excitedly. "Girls' night!"

I hung back, waiting for Severus to emerge from the nondescript office. When he appeared, he turned away from me with a shake of his head. I stifled a pained inhale.

"I have business in the north."

I desperately wanted to beg him to take me with him, but scarcely refrained. I watched out of the taxi window until I could no longer see him standing alone on the curb, head bowed.

* * *

_A big glass of the best wine for my beta, renaid, who took time away from her horribly busy & stressful week of real life to edit this chapter so I could keep my posting schedule. She is the best!  
_

_Where is Severus going?_


	31. Act XXXI

**Act XXXI**

* * *

**151. Contrite**

* * *

I only lasted an hour with the girls before I crept off to be alone. They had pizza, chocolate and nail varnish spread out in the second parlor. Harry had run an extension cord through the window for a TV and warded the room against magic. Apparently magic and electricity didn't get along.

I crept towards the front door but stopped in my tracks when I saw my shabby rucksack leaning against the wall. I gave it a vindictive kick and watched my precious pencils scatter over the entryway.

In a moment I was on my knees, contritely gathering them.

* * *

**152. Arrest**

* * *

Somehow we made it through the next week practically under house arrest. Ginny was lovely, and being reunited with the girls was a dream come true, but my thoughts were with Severus, wondering where he was and when his business would be complete.

I longed for the freedom of the life that I had long since grown into: the life of a wanderer; a life that had unexpectedly accommodated and entangled Severus Snape.

I had thought perhaps the sense of loss might dull and loose its luster as the week passed but if anything, it sharpened into a piercing blade.

* * *

**153. Case**

* * *

Hermione came by often to update us on the progress of our case.

Renee was the only one of us who was terribly interested in the actual law proceedings. She had gone to a rather prestigious preparatory school before running away from home and enjoyed studying law.

Jules was irritable in the extreme: a free spirit on a leash. She smoked almost continually in the garden, a scowl on her face.

Ami and Ginny hit it off almost immediately and spent ages in the kitchen and Ginny's dressing room, discussing cooking and baking, and Wizard versus Muggle fashion by turns.

* * *

**154. Drawn**

* * *

I avoided everyone and spent my days sketching as many scenes of my Yorkshire summer as I could remember, Severus a dark form in all of the drawings. His robes ate away at my 8B pencil and his familiar profile brought me to pained tears. I filled pages of us sitting on the bluffs, us in Whitby, sitting in the cafes and pubs, and walking side by side. My favorites were the drawings of his face from our evenings together, with his heavy lidded eyes and beautiful, crooked half smiles.

The days were agonizing and the nights alone were torment.

* * *

**155. Reluctant**

* * *

Hermione was ecstatic. Somehow, our court date was to be the next day. My understanding of law and legal courts was limited but I was sure that courts didn't move _that _fast normally. Harry looked faintly embarrassed. I was getting the feeling that he was some sort of reluctant celebrity.

I stood next to a stiff Severus, newly returned from his mysterious business.

"Are you excited, Ilsa?" Ginny asked.

From beside me Severus hissed softly and angled away from me.

"_I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done. The Buddha,_" I said morosely.

* * *

_A restful weekend for my tired beta renaid, who wants to kick a few silly witches & wizards in the head. _


	32. Act XXXII

**Act XXXII**

* * *

**156. Separate**

* * *

We were all bundled into the Ministry of Magic and we Muggles were separated from the rest and made to wait in a dingy and cramped side room while the magical persons went to the actual hearing—or trial. I had never been very interested in the workings of the law, except knowing how to avoid running afoul of it.

The girls and I sat silently, all together on a narrow couch for solidarity, but I am sure my thoughts and hopes were extremely different than theirs—perhaps traitorous even.

I desperately yearned, against all odds, that somehow we would lose.

* * *

**157. Exhibition**

* * *

After several hours, and just as Jules was beginning to become truly angry, we were finally called into the courtroom like some sort of horrifying exhibit A.

The weight of the stares of the room rested on our shoulders, but there was only one pair of eyes I sought. He was with the other three men on trial, chained to a rail with his wand on the table in front of him under some sort of glass-like barrier.

A lesser man might have looked powerless, but he stood straight and dark, eyes burning and hair wild, exuding assured strength.

* * *

**158. Pets**

* * *

It did my heart good to see Cumberpatch in another box, also chained, but my pleasant humor did not last long when the questioning began.

Had we been physically or emotionally harmed? Had they taken sexual advantage of us? Had they used magic against us? Had they threatened us with harm, physical or magical, if we did not comply with their wishes?

Our answers were a unanimous no.

The questions continued: Where had we gone? What had we done? Did we have enough food and clothing? The questions continued in this vein, as though we were pets to be kept.

* * *

**159. Enchanted**

* * *

They cast a series of spells over each of us in turn, searching for any hint that we had been bespelled. The magic shuttered over us, making me shiver. It had none of the warmth of Severus's charms.

The Malfoys and Zabini looked positively bored, but Severus stood at the very edge of the box, his hands tightening on the rail until I was sure he would leave a mark.

I smiled at him, before nodding to the Potters, who sat in the front row of the public seats. I really was an ungrateful beast, not to appreciate their help.

* * *

**160. Murmurs**

* * *

We were the last item on the list, apparently, because the jury adjourned immediately. The girls and I were kept standing in the middle of the room, on display for all, our marriage papers hovering in front of us like badges of shame. The whispers and dark looks of the waiting crowd washed over our shoulders.

From some we heard: Muggles—outsiders—people who had no business getting involved in wizarding affairs. Wipe their memories; send them back to where they came from. Obliviate them.

And others: How could this happen? A new Dark Lord Cumberpatch? Using Muggles this way?

* * *

_A cup of tea & a hug for my beta, renaid, who edited this chapter this morning to ready it for posting, and sent the sad excuse for the last one back with questions that I couldn't ignore. Bravo!_

_You, my dearest readers, owe her a great debt for her tender care of this tale._

_What do you think the verdict will be?_


	33. Act XXXIII

** Act XXXIII**

* * *

**161. Verdict  
**

* * *

Our marriages were unlawful and unbinding.

When the severe, iron-haired judge passed the verdict, the marriage contracts went up in flames, a wave of heat fluttering over our faces.

I felt numb. My gaze sought Severus's face; the look of relief that softened his lips made my heart twist and my stomach tie up in knots.

It, our relationship, was irrevocably over. I had fucking lost Severus to his past and the mysterious dark underside of this magical world.

I stared at the ash at my feet so hard I almost missed the follow up verdicts being past.

* * *

**162. Cleansed  
**

* * *

There was a panic starting in my heart—if I could not have Severus himself, would they take my memories of him as well? Strip me of everything I had of him and send me back, unencumbered, to my old life? I cast about wildly for comfort.

_Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. The Buddha._

But did I have the strength to set aside my desires in order to set Severus free of me? Or to allow him to cleanse himself of me completely and finally?

* * *

**163. Reward**

* * *

The men, including my Severus, had been freed by their own actions: their wartime choices and duplicities were now rewarded. I proudly watched them being absolved of the sins I still did not know anything about.

They were also free—free of us girls, of the past, and of the Ministry's machinations.

They were not going to be held responsible for our capture or binding. They were also victims of the so-called marriage law.

A low hum in the crowd sent my gaze skittering out over the sea of faces: while some seemed to share my pleasure, others were obviously furious.

* * *

**164. Mercy  
**

* * *

Cumberpatch received his comeuppance as well: a sentence to the prison Azkaban and a memory modification. They dragged him away, even as he screamed and cried for mercy.

A relived murmur passed over the crowd. I heard "Dark Lord," "Innocent Muggles," "Harry Potter," and "Deatheaters" sprinkled liberally through the haze of whispers.

At least it seemed that we were all united on this point: Cumberpatch had abused a position he had gotten dishonestly. His motives were as of now unclear, but the response to his scandalous treatment of us Muggles was, for all, disturbing and reprehensible.

Severus only sneered thinly.

* * *

**165. Released  
**

* * *

We were being released into our former husbands' magical hands. It was up to them to help us ease back into the Muggle world. Apparently, straddling the line between Magical and Muggle was not an option for us.

I stumbled as I stepped down from the platform, liberated and heartbroken.

He was waiting at the back of the courtroom for me, a dark shape against the light grey marble. My smile wobbled dangerously.

"Are you going to take my memories?" I whispered.

Something soft passed over his face for a moment. "Only if you wish me too."

"No!" I barked.

* * *

_A loaf of pumpkin bread and a mug of chai for my serious, questioning beta, renaid, who knows how to make me think.  
_

_And where will Severus take her, do you think? Perhaps his buisiness is to be revealed.  
_


	34. Act XXXIV

**Act XXXIV**

* * *

**166. Cleave  
**

* * *

The look he gave me as he offered me his arm was indecipherable, but the deep lines around his lips eased slightly. I wrapped my shaking hands around his elbow and clung happily to him.

"Come, Ilsa."

I didn't ask where we were going because I didn't need to. I trusted Severus with my life.

He explained apparating to me in a low voice. The idea that we could disappear and reappear somewhere else instantly was mind-boggling.

When we reached a vaulted chamber, he turned to me with a serious face.

"Ready?"

I nodded and he twirled me into emptiness.

* * *

**167. Garden  
**

* * *

It felt like we were being sucked through a dark tube but I could feel Severus's arms around me, and I had no time to be afraid.

In a moment we were in a garden, looking up at modest little stone cottage.

I peered around us at the neat garden, a low stone wall that surrounded the property, the bright wildflowers below the windows, and the trees in the backyard. It was lovely and I fell in love with it at once.

Severus led me up to the door and threw it wide without knocking, revealing a warm foyer.

"Welcome home, Ilsa."

* * *

**168. Cottage  
**

* * *

I turned to stare at him. He was watching me, the first smile I had seen in a month on his face.

"Severus—its lovely." I turned back to the hall. "I don't know what to say."

"Then say nothing," he said, but not unkindly, following me as I explored the rooms. My heart beat with wild hope. Perhaps he had changed his mind after all. I was ecstatic.

It had a parlor, dining room, and two large bedrooms. I found a large kitchen lit with the evening light from the southern windows and a well-stocked larder. It was perfect.

* * *

**169. Benediction  
**

* * *

Dinner was quiet and we took glasses of wine into the parlor solemnly.

I sighed happily. Severus watched me silently from the other side of the couch, his lovely pale hand cupping his wine glass. When I smiled at him, he returned it slightly.

"You will find your way, Ilsa," he murmured, and it felt like a benediction.

I blinked once, my mind hazy with contentment, wine, and sleep. "_The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart. The Buddha._"

"Never change—Ilsa." My name was only a low whisper on his lips.

I laughed softly.

* * *

**170. Alone  
**

* * *

I crawled across the cushion to rest my head on his shoulder, confident that without the ministry breathing down our necks, we could go back to the way things were in Yorkshire.

"Tomorrow we can get the house sorted," I whispered.

_Tomorrow I can show you how much I think I love you. Tomorrow we can sleep in the same bed again. Tomorrow I won't let you get more than a few steps away from me._

I woke alone in the morning to the songbirds in the garden. I was lying across the couch, wrapped in his dark wool robes.

* * *

_A Happy Veteran's Day for my American beta, renaid, who knows that even though it may look bleak, Yeghishe only writes happy endings.  
_

_I've loved reading your reviews everyone, even though with this posting schedule, my new job, and my painting commissions I haven't had time to respond. Thank you so much. While I may be tipping my hand, I want to take a moment and assure you all that it will, indeed, have a happy ending. That is the only kind of story I tell. _


	35. Act XXXV

**Act XXXV**

* * *

**171. Abandoned**

* * *

It took me until lunch to realize what had happened. He hadn't just popped out—he was gone. I left my lunch uneaten on the kitchen table and walked back through the house, hoping that he would suddenly step through the front door laden with books and snark. I went through every room, starting with our bedroom, the bed untouched. There was nothing of his there, no clothing or personal items in the wardrobe, no male toiletries in the bathroom.

This cottage was mine, and mine alone. The cottage I had first loved on sight suddenly felt like a prison.

* * *

**172. Provision **

* * *

There were four envelopes of heavy cream paper resting on the mantle.

The first held the deed to the cottage and a bank statement for an account in my name with more zeros on it than I had ever seen together.

The second held a notification of my citizenship, an id, a UK passport, and a short note in Severus's handwriting: _Ilsa, regarding your citizenship: I had to change your age to reflect a three year marriage. You are now legally twenty-one._

The third held a thick packet of paper labeled Divorce Petition and an application for a decree absolute.

* * *

**173. University**

* * *

The fourth envelop however, brought me to my knees. It was a formal letter from the University of the Arts in London notifying me of my acceptance into the school. The other sheets were copies of the school's information, a notification of a rental agreement for my residence in the Manna Ash House, receipts for my year paid in full, and a class schedule.

My hands were shaking violently as I sank to the hearth.

He had given me _everything, _everything but the one thing I really wanted.

I cried myself to sleep on the floor, surrounded by his generous gifts.

* * *

**174. Blind**

* * *

It took me two days to pull myself together and get on a train to London. I _had_ to find him. Things couldn't end this way between us.

It was only when I stood at Charing Cross that I realized the impossibility of my task with sickening clarity: I was a Muggle—I couldn't even see the Leaky Cauldron without a magical guide.

I took the underground to Grimmauld Place in tears. There was no number twelve no matter how many times I walked up and down the street.

Sitting on the step of thirteen I sobbed, my heart breaking.

* * *

**175. Aid**

* * *

"Ilsa? Ilsa!"

Wiping my eyes on my sleeve, I looked up to see Ginny running down the lane towards me. I lurched to my feet, reaching out my arms towards her, sobbing. She ran into me hard, wrapping me in her arms.

"Lovey, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Ill?"

"I can't find him. He's gone and I—Ginny, please." I hiccupped wetly against her shoulder, unsure just what I was asking her for, but never happier to see someone in my entire life.

She just held me, making comforting noises and rocking me gently as I cried it all out.

* * *

_A lovely little cottage for my beta, renaid, who sometimes wants to commit acts of violence against Snape's person._

_I would also like to remind readers about the genre/category for this fic. It is classified as a romance. If you are looking for a different type of relationship between Ilsa & our dear Severus you have come to the wrong tale. _


	36. Act XXXVI

**.**

**Act XXXVI**

* * *

**176. Never**

* * *

Ginny plied me with hot tea and warm cakes until I felt somewhat human again. The whole story came tumbling out: his gifts and his subsequent disappearance.

"I need to find him. We need to at least _talk_ about what happened."

Ginny blushed slightly and squeezed my hand. "Ilsa, what _did_ happen? Did he—you know, take advantage of you?"

I frowned. "No! He would _never!_"

"He—he is, well, not the way I remember him," she confided.

"If anything, I took advantage of him. I didn't do it on purpose; I was halfway through before I realized what was happening."

* * *

**177. Blame**

* * *

Ginny clearly didn't understand.

"I care for him," I said earnestly, "Really care. I think—I think I love him. But I dragged him out to Yorkshire without so much as a by-your-leave. I took advantage of his willingness to capitulate with whatever I asked of him. I kept him tethered to me like a_ fucking dog._"

"Ilsa—Professor Snape might be a lot of things, but he isn't weak; if you think you are to blame for what happened, you are wrong." She pulled out a copy of a newspaper. The bold headline read: Ministry Marriage Scandal Exposed.

* * *

**178. Battle**

* * *

Underneath the headline was a black and white moving picture of the vaulted chamber that was used for apparating. Severus and I flounced across it, me in my converse high tops and sparkly cardigan, looking even younger than nineteen, and Severus looking very serious and mature in his full black robes.

He spun me into the apparition, a soft smile on his face.

"The Professor was my teacher you know," Ginny said softly. "He was actually very cruel when we were in school, but he worked very hard to keep us students safe and prepare Harry for the final battle."

* * *

**179. Campaign**

* * *

I must have looked confused because Ginny smiled and shook her head. "I forget you don't know about these things."

And finally it came out: a war that spanned generations and had almost wrung the life and soul out of the hidden magical world. She narrated Severus's role, first as a Death Eater and then as a spy, to me. He had spent half of his life hiding who he was from people.

"He was a rotten teacher, but I think he might even admit it now," Ginny laughed.

I chuckled, remembering a conversation on the moors so long ago.

* * *

**180. Disguise**

* * *

"Professor Snape is many things, Ilsa, confusing not the least of them, but if he took you to Yorkshire without complaint, bought you a cottage, and is sending you to art school, it's not because he doesn't care for you. Perhaps it is_ because_ he cares about you."

"_The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows. The Buddha._"

Ginny didn't say anything for a long time. "He has spent most of his life pretending. I don't know if he knows how to be 'just Severus'. I think, with you, he is closest."

* * *

_A letter to my speedy beta renaid, who even corrects my spelling of the word apparition... because sometimes I am lazy and don't look things up because she is so good. _


	37. Act XXXVII

** .**

**Act XXXVII**

* * *

**181. Return  
**

* * *

I returned north the next day. Harry promised that he would find Severus for me and bring him up to the cottage, even if he had to bring him in magical chains. I had merely rolled my eyes, doubting Harry would be able to overpower Severus, physically or magically.

Severus could only be prevailed upon to come if he _wanted _to come. If it came to that—he would only be _found _if he was willing to be discovered.

I watched the passing landscape morosely through the dust-smeared train window, unwilling to hope fully but unable to completely despair.

* * *

**182. Breaking  
**

* * *

I went through the motions of living: eating meals, sleeping on the soft couch, tending the garden, and listening my way through the record collection in the parlor.

It was just after midday when a great storm rolled in; rain lashed the windows, thunder followed the lightning that skittered across the dark sky.

I flicked through the papers that had decorated my mantle for the past week. The divorce papers sat on the top of the stack. I rubbed my thumb over the spiky signature of my husband and then over the blank line that waited for _my_ pen.

* * *

**183. Reality  
**

* * *

I heard the knock at the door distantly and stumbled in my haste to open it, the cold air rushing over me as I stared into the darkness.

A very miserable and wet-looking Severus Snape stood on the doorstep, dressed in a dripping cloak that matched the one that I used daily, his dark hair plastered to his cheeks.

"Miss Nash."

"It's still Mrs. Snape, actually, even if you've come to regret it—husband." My tone was more biting than I had intended.

His face twisted and he stumbled a step back. "I—I'm sorry. This was obviously a mistake."

* * *

**184. Echoes  
**

* * *

"Oh no, you aren't getting away a second time." I chased him down the garden path in the pouring rain and tackled his back. "Wait. You have to stay and talk to me."

He twisted away, but I had no illusions: if he really wanted to free himself, he could in moments.

"Severus, don't leave me again!" I howled. "We have to talk about it, at the very least!" I fisted my hands in his overcoat and tugged him.

He turned back to the house, mute and compliant, guiding me under his cloak and angling me away from the rain.

* * *

**185. Lost  
**

* * *

Standing in the warm foyer light, I got my first good look at him. He looked exhausted: great, dark circles under his eyes, his cheeks slightly sunken, as if he hadn't been eating.

Casting a series of spells over himself, he dried his clothing and hair before turning to me, careful to keep his wand pointed away from my person. Motioning towards where I was dripping on the floor, he asked softly, "May I?"

I nodded, too overwhelmed to speak, content to absorb the rightness of him in our cottage.

The brush of his magic was warm and gentle.

* * *

_A lovely weekend to my fearless, counseling beta renaid, who knows how to wrap a love story up. (Three more chapters, dearest readers!)_

_I would like to thank all who jumped to our dearest Severus's defense after the last chapter. I am sure he appreciates it as well. However, a disclaimer: Opinions provided by the characters in the story do not necessarily reflect an accurate picture of the following: canon, the reader's opinion, the author's opinion, or what is actually happening in the story (or the alternate universe's backstory)._


	38. Act XXXVIII

**.**

**Act XXXVIII**

* * *

**186. Sacrifices  
**

* * *

We sat at the kitchen table, tea cooling between us as we stared at each other.

"You left me."

"Potter said you needed me."

We spoke at the same time, tangling our words.

I reached over and cupped his hand. "I do need you, just not the way I think you think."

He frowned thoughtfully. "I gave you everything I could think of."

I choked back a sob and his eyes widened in panic. "Severus, I don't want your money or your stuff; I want you," I whispered. "Please—I love you and I want you to stay with me."

* * *

**187. Walk  
**

* * *

He stood and crossed to the window that looked over the garden, his back to me.

"_If you find an intelligent companion who will walk with you, who lives wisely, soberly, overcoming all dangers, walk with that person in joy and thoughtfulness. The Buddha_." I whispered, and after a long moment I continued softly, "I love you and I think you love me, too, but if you don't feel the same, I won't ask you to stay. I won't accept anything less than the truth from you. We have never lied to each other; please, don't lie to me now."

* * *

**188. Stay  
**

* * *

When he turned towards me his face was smooth and blank. My heart sank, and I took a fortifying sip of tepid tea.

"When I left, I was certain I was doing the right thing, the thing that would make you happiest," he said in a quiet voice. "I apologize—" his eyes slid away from me, to some point over my shoulder, "for causing you pain, and for misjudging your desires completely." When he finally met my gaze, his eyes were bright. "I would like to stay here, with you."

I was in his arms in the next moment.

* * *

**189. Coming Home  
**

* * *

Kissing him was like coming home at last.

How surprising that after all of the silence, misunderstandings, and nights alone, it had been so simple after all—I wrapped my arms around his neck with a happy sigh. But then, we had always been something of an anomaly, individually, as well as a couple.

"I ought to have said something sooner," I murmured against his frock coat.

He gave a little growl that rumbled in his chest. "And when, pray, would you have had a chance? I started pushing you away almost immediately after we traveled back to London."

* * *

**190. Explanation  
**

* * *

"You do owe me some sort of explanation, you know," I teased.

But his expression was serious as he touched my hair. "The orange and pink are fading again," he murmured.

I laughed. "Yes. I thought I might try for a more sophisticated look. Do you think that brown you used would suit me?"

He frowned. "Why would you alter yourself?"

"I thought you might prefer it if I didn't look so much like a fucking teenaged rebel."

He smiled and gave my shoulders a little shake. "I told you not to change."

"You didn't say anything about growing up."

* * *

_A celebration for renaid, who loves the last line. _


	39. Act XXXIX

**.**

**Act XXXIX**

* * *

**191. Repaired**

* * *

"I—uh—brought you a gift." Severus had me draped over his lap on the couch, a merry fire burning the remains of the divorce petition.

I snuggled into his shoulder as he summoned a small wooden box and set it on my lap. I lifted the lid to see three little bundles wrapped in linen.

I tentatively unwrapped the first bundle. "It's the kinsukuroi from that gallery in London!" I unwrapped the other two bowls lovingly, the gold lacquer glinting in the firelight.

"I thought, perhaps, you might be willing to give your beautiful but broken metaphor another chance."

* * *

**192. Insipid**

* * *

"If I recall correctly, it was you who thought my metaphor insipid." I kissed the corner of his sharp mouth.

He glared at me. "I hoped that you hadn't changed your mind."

"Of course I haven't. I'll put them on the mantle where the hideous divorce petition used to be." It was quite fitting if I thought about it: replacing the symbol of our separation with one of honesty and a fresh start, despite our struggles.

He sighed and laid his cheek on my head. "I'll never hear the end of that."

I laughed and traced the bowl's rim.

* * *

**193. Need**

* * *

"So I have to know, now; when _did _you disable the proximity spell?" We had finally moved to the bedroom and lay facing each other.

He didn't answer right away and when I looked, he was blushing.

"After we uh—got the wedding rings."

I cupped his face gently, my orange nails bright against his pale cheeks. "But why?"

He wouldn't look at me and the flush was crawling down his neck. "I knew that you didn't want to leave me then. So we didn't need it."

I took pity on him, choosing to kiss him softly instead of speaking.

* * *

**194. Trauma**

* * *

"If you knew I didn't want to leave—why did _you_ leave?"

We lay in the hammock in the garden after breakfast; Severus kept our steaming coffee mugs hovering at our side.

"I have, perhaps, a bit of a martyr complex. It was inconceivable to me that you could _love_ me, however much you seemed to tolerate me. I became convinced that you were responding to the trauma of becoming a victim of my world. Separation seemed the best thing for you—to free you from the nightmare and give you everything I could think of to make you happy."

* * *

**195. Anything**

* * *

"When did you decide you liked me?"

We pulled weeds in the garden, side by side.

He laughed. "I always _liked _you. You were different, of course—but unafraid and understanding. You were far too calm about the whole thing, you know; it made me savage to realize how trusting you were. I could have made you do anything I wanted—do you realize that? There are spells for that—horrible spells—" He broke off suddenly, looking angry all over again.

"_There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it. The Buddha,_" I whispered.

* * *

_A kinsukuroi for my lovely beta renaid, who excited to move back to my primary project that I have been neglecting for Ilsa._

_For reference to the kinsukuroi please refer to Act XXI number 104._


	40. Act XXXX

**.**

**Act XXXX**

* * *

**196. Wanting  
**

* * *

"Speaking of doing whatever you wanted—" I unhooked the first of his buttons. "You never did seem to want anything." I slipped the next button through is hole.

"Oh—it was not for _lack_ of wanting," his voice went husky as his eyes followed my progress down his frock coat. "Ilsa, we can wait."

I frowned at him. "Well, if you'd rather, but don't on my account. I've been waiting all summer, you know."

He grinned at me with crooked teeth and eyes crinkling at the corners, as he swept me into his arms and headed for the stairs.

* * *

**197. Magic  
**

* * *

We lay tangled in the sheets, the afternoon light deepening as Severus summoned a bottle of Chianti and glasses from the kitchen and had them racing each other up the stairs. I was amused, but watching him wield magic brought new questions.

"Are you—upset that I'm not magical?" I asked tentatively, accepting the glass.

He froze and looked up at me. "Potter said Ginevera told you tales of my youth."

"No, I'm not asking about your politics; I'm asking about our relationship."

"Although I am exonerated in the magical world, I still must disguise myself when I go out."

* * *

**198. Life  
**

* * *

He took a long drink before continuing. "This is really the sort of life I had thought I would like to live, you know, a long time ago. We will go to London for school in the winter and we will spend our summers here—with, perhaps, a visit to Yorkshire." He slanted me a small smile. "Potter is arranging for commissions for me to brew; everything he touches seems to turn to gold," he sneered almost fondly. "You are vastly different than what I have known—but despite everything, being with you is like coming home at last."

* * *

**199. Endings  
**

* * *

"How long have you loved me?" I asked over our lamb chop dinner.

"_Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service. Shakespeare._" He smiled at me.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't believe you."

"Well, I felt protective of you from the moment I saw you, of course. Love came later, slowly, as you wore away my defenses, and in the end I didn't fight it hardly at all."

"But then you regretted it?"

"Only inasmuch as I thought you had been coerced." His dark eyes sought mine over the candles.

* * *

**200. New Beginnings  
**

* * *

We disembarked at King's Cross Station, arm in arm, and headed for the exit. University was starting in a week and we had an apartment to set up, as well as a dinner engagement with the Potters and Hermione.

I had spent the end of the summer painting and sketching in the second bedroom studio in the mornings and reading with Severus in the evenings.

I shook my chestnut brown hair out of my eyes and smiled at my casually dressed husband.

"_If there is love, there is hope to have real families, real brotherhood, real equanimity, real peace. The Dalai Lama._"

* * *

_A pancake breakfast with real maple syrup for my beta renaid, who has traveled this long road of vigorous posting, short chapters, and word count with us. Taste the fruit of our labors and be pleased, dear readers!  
_


End file.
